


All the Stars Are Closer

by TJ (rainbowsmuke)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cashton, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-08-20 23:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16565186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowsmuke/pseuds/TJ
Summary: In the wake of tragedy, Calum makes the decision to move back home with his daughter with the hope to start over again and learn to ease the pain of loss.Ashton is a recent divorcee learning to cope with the struggles of co-parenting with his ex, which becomes especially hard with a new boyfriend in the picture.What could be considered a twist of fate (or some major meddling on their mutual friend's part) Calum and Ashton will help each other to heal certain wounds and how to navigate the uncharted waters of dating while being single dads.





	1. Chapter 1

Calum placed the last box labeled “kitchen” on the counter and rubbed the palm of his hands on the faded pair of jeans he’d put on for moving day. It didn’t matter if they ended up ruined or not. He placed his hands in his back pockets and rocked back on his heels as his eyes wandered around the new kitchen. It wasn’t quite as big as the one he was used to but it would have to do. Calum couldn’t find it in him to be upset about something that petty. They were starting a new life and he was glad to be back in his hometown to do it. 

He opened the box to find it was full of dish towels and other random odds and ends that would all find a place. Unpacking was going to take several days but he was going to have the help of not only his sister but his best friends as well. For now, he left the box without removing anything and left the kitchen. Calum wasn’t sure exactly where he wanted everything to go just yet. 

It was quiet in the house as he dodged stacks of boxes and went into the living room. The furniture had been put into place for now - Calum wasn’t sure if he was going to change it or not - and a few boxes were placed on the coffee table. Calum took a seat on the edge of the couch and opened the closest box and reached inside. His fingers closed around something square in shape and covered in bubble wrap. Calum peeled off the tape and removed the bubble wrap from the silver picture frame and he turned it over, three smiling faces peered back at him. Something sharp lanced through his chest and Calum had to suck in a sharp breath to quell the sudden tears that pricked at the back of his eyes. It was still too hard to look at memories like this without wanting to sink back into the pit of despair he’d only just recently crawled out of. 

“There you are.” 

The voice startled Calum and he looked up to see his sister standing in the archway between the living room and the dining room. Mali was leaned against the wall, arms crossed over her chest and a gentle smile on her features. 

“Hey,” he returned with a soft smile. “What’s up?” 

"Luke and Michael are going to be back any minute with food. Figured we could eat outside on the patio since it’s nice and the furniture is set up out there,” Mali explained.

Calum replaced the picture in the box before he stood up. “Where’s Sam?” 

“Out in the backyard with Lyric.” 

He nodded and crossed the room toward the back sliding glass doors that led to the patio but he didn’t open it right away. From where he stood, he could see out into the backyard where Sam sat in the grass with Lyric, Michael’s and Luke’s son, who was only a little over a year old. She was attempting to teach Lyric to roll a ball back and forth between them but it wasn’t going that well. It made Calum smile a little. 

“Do you think she’s going to be alright, Mal?” he asked. Calum didn’t look at his sister, instead he kept his eyes on the two kids in the yard. “It’s been a rough year and I just...I don’t know...I’m worried the move is going to mess with all the progress she’s made.” 

The problem was there was no manual to teach Calum how to deal with this sort of thing. There were no guidelines on how to properly parent a child that’s dealt with such tragedy so young in her life. So often anymore Calum felt like he was wandering blindly through life and hoping for the best. That wasn’t what his daughter deserved when he was the only parent she had left. 

“Cal…” Mali sighed softly and touched his arm. He looked toward her somewhat helplessly. “You’ve done the best you can and that’s all anyone can ask of you. What happened with Allie was not your fault. You know it isn’t. You had a choice to make and you chose right. It’s what she would have wanted and what she would have done.” 

Calum nodded and turned to his sister to draw her into a hug. “You sure you don’t want to just move in with us?” 

She laughed softly. “I love you but you and Sam need to have your own space. I’ll stay for a few weeks, get you guys settled but then I have to go.”

As much as he didn’t want to admit his sister was right, Calum knew what she said was the truth. He couldn’t depend on her to stay and help him raise Sam when she had her own life. Calum knew Mali would do anything for him but to ask her to give up her dreams would be too selfish. Despite the fact she was older, Mali had decided to put her career first and wait to have a family for later and Calum respected that. 

“C’mon, I hear Mike and Luke pulling up. I’ll get some paper plates and napkins and you get the kids,” Mali smiled. 

“Aye aye, Captain.” Calum gave a mock salute and a small laugh left him. Mali elbowed him playfully just as he slid open the sliding glass door. He exited the house and the Florida room to the backyard where Sam was about to roll the ball toward Lyric once more. 

“Hey kiddo, why don’t you put that way for now. Uncle Luke and Uncle Mike just got back with dinner,” he said. 

“Okay, daddy.” 

As Sam got up to put the ball back, Calum bent to pick Lyric up off the ground and set him on his hip, an arm secure around his small body. Luckily, he was a sociable kid that didn’t have separation anxiety too badly from his parents. Calum had tried to make sure to visit Michael and Luke as often as he could prior to moving back to Tampa. He reached out his other hand to Sam who took it, and Calum gave it a gentle squeeze as they entered the Florida room to join Mali who had retrieved the paper plates and napkins and was separating them to place them on the table. The sliding glass door slid open again and Michael and Luke came through it with bags of food. 

“Hope everyone’s hungry because we got a ton of food,” Michael grinned at Calum. “Lyric didn’t give you a hard time?” 

Calum shook his head. “Not at all. He’s the least fussiest kid I’ve ever been in contact with.” 

“No thanks to Michael,” Luke chimed in, nudging his husband affectionately. It earned him an eye roll and Calum laughed. Sometimes it was gross to witness how in love his two best friends were and had been for so many years. 

Michael and Luke set the bags down on the table and Luke came over to take Lyric from him. Calum didn’t have a highchair anymore, Sam having long since grown out of using one, so he would have to hold him. Calum took a seat next to Sam as Mali dug through the bags of food and passed out burgers, fries and chicken nuggest. Calum took Sam’s and put it on her plate and opened a barbeque sauce for her. 

“Don’t forget to say thank you, okay?” he reminded her. 

“I won’t. Promise,” she replied. 

Calum smiled down at her. They were going to be okay. He had to believe that or he knew he would end up failing Sam, which was unacceptable. He wasn’t given a chance to fall back into such dark thoughts as the conversation around him dragged him back to the present and it felt almost like old times again. 

Once it began to get dark, they gave up working for the day in favor of sitting around in the Florida room with beers instead. Sam and Lyric settled into the living room to watch a movie which left the adults to talk among themselves though still able to see them through the open door. They shared stories about the past, about growing up together and Calum laughed more than he had in a long time. There had always been fond memories from his childhood and it had been difficult to leave once college came around and they had parted ways with the promise to keep in touch as often as possible. It was a promise that hadn’t been broken either. 

It had been no surprise to Calum when he learned Michael and Luke were moving back to Tampa after college and planned to get married. Michael asked him to be his best man and he’d been more than happy to do so, just like they had been happy to do the same for him a few years before. Michael and Luke had even come out to meet Sam just a week after she was born bearing more gifts for her than was absolutely necessary. Calum’s excitement over Lyric being born was on par with what theirs had been. 

Eventually, the hour grew late and Michael stood from his chair, announcing they had to leave because he had work in the morning. Calum followed his friends into the living room where Sam and Lyric were nested in blankets and pillows, the credits for Moana had just begun and Calum wondered how much of the movie had actually gotten watched before the kids had fallen asleep. Luke picked up Lyric and took the keys to their vehicle from Michael. Mali helped Luke out with Lyric’s bag in tow, leaving Michael and Calum alone for the moment. 

Bending down, Calum picked up Sam and rested her against his chest, her head lolling on his shoulder.

“You’re doing great, you know that right?” Michael asked. Calum almost wasn’t used to how affectionate Michael could be as of late. He chalked up to being a parent. 

“I hope you’re right,” he replied softly so as not to wake Sam up. “This is just...all of this is so...different…”

“I know but you’ll get through it. You’ve got us and Mali here. You’re back home, Cal. We’re family.” Michael reached out and squeezed his shoulder, offering another smile. “We’d do anything for you and Sam.” 

Calum nodded because he knew that and it was a sentiment he returned completely. “Yeah, I know and you know I appreciate it but...it’s hard to know if this is something I’ll ever get used to. What if I’m not enough for her? What happens when she’s a teenager?” 

Michael sighed softly and shook his head. “I think you’re worrying about the future way too much. You’re a great dad and Sam loves you. Even before all of this happened, you two were really close and I don’t think that’s going to change. You’re her entire world.”

A sigh left him and he rested his head against Sam’s softly. They were each other’s world now. Since the fire that killed her mother, Calum had been terrified of how it might affect her and he sometimes wondered if she was handling it better than he was. Certain parts of her behavior had changed, Sam had become more withdrawn since then and Calum had immediately sought counseling for her. It had helped over the past several months but he had struggled with whether or not this move would be good for her. In the end, he decided it would be a good thing for both of them because here they had family and people that loved them. California wasn’t home. 

“Why are you acting like you’re never going to find someone again?” 

The question surprised Calum and he blinked at his friend. It hadn’t occurred to him that he was coming across in such a way but Michael had an uncanny ability to read people at times, especially when he knew them well. Since Allie died, relationships had been the last thing on his mind. Calum couldn’t see himself with anyone else for a really long time, especially when it had only been a year. 

“I haven’t been…” he started, but Michael shook his head. 

“Not outwardly but just like what you said earlier about when Sam’s a teenager, like you expect to be alone the whole time. I just wondered...you know it’s okay to move on, right?” 

Calum didn’t know if it was okay to move on. It seemed like only a short time had passed and he didn’t feel he was ready to start dating again, not matter who it was. “I just don’t think I can do it right now, Mikey…” 

Michael frowned. “I wasn’t trying to pressure you, Cal. I just...in case you needed to hear it from someone that it was okay, it is. You don’t have to hold onto the guilt for the rest of your life.” 

“Yeah, maybe…” Even after a year, the guilt Calum felt over Allie had not gone away. It had gotten easier to manage but he didn’t think it would ever leave completely. He still felt like it was his fault. 

“It’s all going to be okay. Once school starts in a couple weeks and you guys get settled back into a routine, I bet you’ll feel a lot better,” Michael offered. 

Calum smiled. “You’re probably right.”

“I know I’m right. See you in the morning, Cal.” 

With Sam in his arms, Calum walked Michal to the door and stood on the front porch with Mali as they waved goodbye to their friends. Once they were out of sight, they went back into the house and Mali locked up for the night while Calum put Sam to bed. He sat on the edge of her bed for a few moments, watching her sleep. She looked peaceful in these moments and Calum hoped Michael was right and that he was doing alright by her. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Sophie! Come on or we’re going to be late,” Ashton called up the stairs. 

Ten minutes had passed since the last time he’d called his daughter downstairs for breakfast. They had half an hour before they had to leave if he was going to get her to school on time and then himself to work. The first day of school was always chaotic, but at least they’d gotten the chance to drop off the requested supplies at orientation last week. It had been somewhat uncomfortable being in the same room with his ex-wife and her new boyfriend as they were shown around Sophie’s first grade classroom and given an overview of what the year would be like. If the tension radiating off of them had been noticed by the other parents, no one had made it obvious much to Ashton’s relief. It had only been six months since their divorce was final and Ashton was wondering when his ex had time to even meet other people. 

It wasn’t from jealousy either. Their marriage had been over long before their divorce and though it had been a mutual agreement and as amicable as possible for Sophie’s sake, there was just enough disappointment and hurt feelings to make it awkward. Ashton’s mother had assured him that it would become easier, once enough time had passed for the dust to settle. All Ashton was worried about was co-parenting his daughter with his ex successfully, and he wasn’t sure he was okay with her bringing a stranger into Sophie’s life just yet. 

The sound of small footsteps came from above and a moment later, Sophie appeared at the top of the stairs and she was thankfully dressed.  “You have to braid my hair,” she said by way of greeting as she came down the stairs, a pink Barbie hairbrush and scrunchie in her hands.

Ashton groaned. “Can’t we just do a ponytail? It’s easier.” 

Sophie’s brow knit and she shook her head. “Not on the first day. It has to be a braid. Please, daddy?” 

“Fine, but we’re doing it while you eat. Now let’s go.” Ashton took the hairbrush and and scrunchie from her and followed her into the kitchen. 

Sophie climbed onto one of the barstools and Ashton poured her a bowl of cereal. He pushed the bowl and a spoon toward her before he came around the breakfast bar and stood behind her. He had not yet perfected the art of braiding hair and it was a rare moment in which he wished his ex would show up to do this for him. Ashton ran the brush through Sophie’s hair as gently as possible so he wouldn’t pull too much. He put his tongue between his teeth and knit his brow as his fingers worked through his daughter’s hair, trying his best to get all the strands to cooperate so he could manage a braid that was neat and not a horrible mess. It took him three tries and Sophie had finished her cereal by then but Ashton managed to tame it, or at least he hoped. 

“Okay, I think it’s good,” he informed his daughter. “Let’s go get your teeth brushed.” 

Sophie made for the bathroom as he rinsed the bowl and spoon before putting them in the dishwasher. When he finally joined her in the bathroom, she was checking her braid clearly expecting to find mistakes or pieces he’d missed. 

“You did good, daddy,” she said approvingly. 

Ashton actually felt a little proud of himself in that moment, as silly as it was. He helped her brush her teeth, get her shoes on and held out her bright pink Barbie backpack for her so she could slide her arms through it. Lastly, Ashton handed Sophie the matching lunchbox that he’d packed for her the night before. He grabbed his wallet, phone and keys and locked the door as they left. 

“You need help?” he asked as Sophie climbed up into the backseat of his SUV and she made a derisive sound. “Okay, sorry...I forgot you’re six going on sixteen…” 

Ashton could admit that there were times he was probably overbearing, too quick to try and do things for Sophie she was capable of doing for herself. He supposed it was because he didn’t want her to grow up any faster than she was. It felt like it wasn’t so long ago that she was little and needed him for all sorts of things. Now she was becoming more independent and Ashton was admittedly a little said about it. 

He climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the car on, checking the rear camera on the dash to make sure nothing was behind him and backed out of the driveway. A few minutes later, they were on their way and Ashton angled the rearview mirror to see Sophie looking out the window as they drove. 

“You excited about your first day?” he asked. 

Sophie nodded. “Mommy’s going to be there too, right?” 

“Yeah, she texted a little while ago and said she would meet us there. She wouldn’t miss your first day.” Despite whatever occurred between them, his ex loved their daughter just as much as he did. “And don’t forget I’m picking you up from school. We'll go get pizza before dance class, okay?” 

A wide grin broke out over Sophie’s features and she let out a whoop of excitement. Ashton laughed and turned his attention back to the road. He was relieved his ex had agreed to joint custody with him so he got to see Sophie as much as he did, which was half of the week, because he didn’t know what he’d do in the house alone all the time. 

A few minutes later, they pulled into the parking lot of the elementary school and found a parking space. Ashton texted his ex to let her know they were there and he and Sophie met her at the front of the school. Sophie jumped up into her mother’s arms excitedly. 

“Daddy’s taking me for pizza before dance tonight,” she gushed. 

“Oh yeah? Sounds like a lot of fun.” His ex looked up at him with a small smile. “Morning.” 

“Morning, Brynn.” Ashton half expected her new boyfriend to come around the corner and when he didn’t, he was relieved. “Alright, let’s get you to class.” 

Sophie moved between them and took his hand, along with her mother’s and the three of them walked into her first grade classroom. They already knew where Sophie would be sitting because of the orientation and they walked over to her cubby so she could put away her backpack and lunch box. Some of the kids and parents he recognized from the orientation and others he didn’t. Ashton assumed it was because they’d gone to the second one that had been held in the afternoon. There were a lot more kids this time around. 

Ashton stepped back to get out of the way as a little girl with dark hair approached the cubby next to Sophie’s and felt himself run into someone. 

“Oh sh-” He almost let the curse fall from his lips as he turned around, but caught himself just in time. Ashton’s eyes came up to meet a pair of dark brown ones and the guy he’d run into was grinning. “Sorry about that.” 

“No worries. Hard not to let it slip sometimes. I get it,” the guy laughed. “Happens all the time.” 

Ashton smiled. It was true. Before he and Brynn had gotten divorced, they’d tried to implement a “swear jar” but it’d failed miserably. They’d given up after that and had tried to be more conscientious of swearing around Sophie. He wasn’t really thinking much about swearing at all as he looked at this stranger, an involuntary thought about how attractive he was crossing his mind. Ashton didn’t know where the hell it came from but there it was and he could almost feel himself blush. 

“I’m Ashton,” he blurted suddenly, without meaning to. He figured he may as well follow through now and held out his hand. “Is she yours?” He nodded his head toward the girl at the cubby next to him. 

“Calum, and yeah that’s Sam.” Calum shook his hand and Ashton felt a strange shiver run down his spine. “Which one is yours?” 

Ashton took back his hand and gestured toward where Sophie was already sitting in her spot. “Right there. That’s Sophie. Actually, I think our kids might be sharing a table. Samantha, right?”

“Yep. It won’t be long before she insists the name on her little tag be changed,” Calum smiled. Ashton couldn’t help but think he had a really nice smile and scolded himself silently for it. 

He opened his mouth, intent on keeping conversation with Calum going but he was cut off when the teacher called for the students attention. That was their cue to leave and Ashton gave a nod and a smile to Calum before he left the classroom after saying goodbye to Sophie. Ashton parted ways with Brynn in the parking lot, glad he had to be to work and didn’t have to stand around to make awkward conversation, and once he was in his vehicle he shook any weird thoughts out of his head. 

 

*          *          *

 

Psychology had been something Ashton had been interested in since he was young, so when it had come time to declare his major in college he had decided becoming a school psychologist was what he wanted to do. Ashton loved his job, even if it was sometimes difficult but he wouldn’t trade it. He was just finishing up with his notes when a knock sounded against his office door, which was slightly ajar and he called for the person to come in. Ashton looked up in time to see Luke slip into his office and greet him with a smile. 

“Wanna go grab some lunch?” he asked. “I don’t have a class next period so I’ve got some extra time. Figured you might want a break even if it’s only the first day.” 

Ashton laughed and shrugged. “It hasn’t been that bad. Mostly some of my same students from last year that I’ve wanted to check up on. Make sure they’re getting the help they need outside of school.” 

“Of course,” Luke agreed. 

Standing from his chair, Ashton clicked off a student’s file and turned the monitor of his computer off. He grabbed his phone and keys and left the office with Luke, locking it behind them. They agreed to take Ashton’s vehicle and fifteen minutes later, they were settled into a booth at a Chipotle with burritos and an order of chips and queso between them to share. Ashton reached for a tortilla chip first and dunked it into the cup of queso, letting the excess drip off before eating it, happy to focus on eating more than anything. He’d skipped breakfast because he’d been worried about being late so he was starving.

“Who’s Sophie’s teacher this year?” Luke asked between bites of burrito. 

Ashton paused, racking his brain to remember the woman’s name. “Mrs. Portman,” he answered finally.

Luke swallowed and smiled widely. “Hey, she’s in the same class as my friend’s daughter. Small world, huh? He actually just moved back to down before school started. We should hang out sometime, me, you, Michael and Calum.” 

He nearly choked on the tortilla chip in his mouth. Ashton coughed twice to clear his throat and took a drink of the bottled water he had. “Did you say Calum?” 

“Yes?” Luke raised a brow at him. “Calum and his daughter’s name is Sam.” 

Ashton’s stomach did a strange little flip. “Yeah, I actually met him this morning when I dropped Sophie off. I ran into him...literally…” 

“Wow. Talk about a strange coincidence.” 

He had to agree. What were the odds of him running into one of Luke’s and Michael’s friends who had just moved back to town? Tampa just wasn’t t _ hat _ small of a place. Ashton chewed his next mouthful of burrito thoughtfully and glanced over at Luke who seemed to be in thought, like the gears were turning. 

“You and Calum should come over this weekend for dinner and bring the kids. Do you have Sophie this weekend?” Luke asked and Ashton nodded. “Great, it’d be fun to get all of us together. You’ll like Cal a lot. Michael and I have known him for ages.”

“Sure, okay.” What could that hurt? Ashton had never been someone who had a large friend group, preferring to have a few close friends rather than several acquaintances. Between college, his job and then raising Sophie it didn’t leave him a lot of time. He’d gotten close with Luke, and by extension Michael, since they worked at the same school and were also parents. They’d been friends for on the past year and he was sure at some point they had mentioned Calum, though he couldn’t recall a time off the top of his head. Ashton wasn’t sure why it even mattered. 

They finished their lunch and returned to the school around an hour later. Ashton said goodbye to Luke as he left to teach his next class and he returned to his office. As much as he tried not to be, he felt distracted for the rest of the afternoon and tried to busy himself with as much work as possible. There was really no time to slack even if it was the first day of school. Ashton didn’t want to disappoint his students in any way. 

The end of the day came quicker than he realized and Ashton locked his office before leaving the campus. Sophie’s school was only a few miles away and he got in line to wait for her and checked his phone for any messages, which there were none. It was only a few moments later before Sophie was being helped into the car by one of the teachers and Ashton looked back at her with a smile. 

“Hey kiddo, how was your first day?” he asked as she buckled herself into the booster seat.

“Good,” she answered, “I made a new friend. Her name is Sam and she likes sports a lot.” 

Somehow, Ashton wasn’t as surprised about this news and he felt he should have been. Another strange coincidence that his daughter would make friends with Calum’s daughter, with whom he shared mutual friends. Ashton thought he was being stupid by thinking there was something strange happening since Sophie shared a table with Sam and she was a sociable kid. Of course she made friends with her classmates. Sophie made a friend everywhere she went. 

“Wow, that’s great,” he replied as he pulled out of the school parking lot and onto the road. They had a few hours before Sophie’s dance class and he had promised her pizza. “Want to know something funny?”

“What?” 

“Sam’s daddy is friends with Michael and Luke and they asked us to come over and have dinner with them this weekend. Sam will be there.” An excited giggle came from the back seat and Ashton laughed. “You seem happy about that.” 

“I am!” Sophie exclaimed. “She said she would teach me how to play kickball and I would teach her ballet.” 

That made Ashton smile. “Sounds like it’ll be lots of fun then.”

Sophie babbled away in the back seat the rest of the way to their favorite pizza place about her first day of school, about her teacher and what they did in class, and about playing with Sam on the playground during recess. Just as they pulled into the parking, Brynn called on FaceTime to talk to Sophie and Ashton handed her the phone so they could talk. They waited in the car while Sophie chatted with her mother and when she was finished they went inside for dinner. 

First graders didn’t exactly have homework but they were assigned to twenty minutes of reading and twenty minutes of math problems, which they did when they got home from eating pizza. Then they were back in the car and driving across town to Sophie dance class, and while he might not be an expert at braiding hair just yet he had gotten really good at tying ballet slippers. 

Luke texted him during the hour they were at dance class and confirmed that their plans for dinner were on for Saturday night and he wasn’t allowed to punk out. Ashton sent him a text back saying he wouldn’t and that Sophie and Sam had become fast friends. Luke replied with a strange emoji and refused to explain it when asked. Ashton shrugged and put the phone back into his pocket. Sometimes he didn’t understand the way Luke’s mind worked but trying to figure it out just gave him a headache. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

On Wednesday, Calum had gotten a text message from Michael asking if he and Sam were free on Saturday to come over for dinner. Other than Sam having her first little league game Saturday morning they had no plans for the day and he texted Michael back to let him know they would be there. He also asked if Michael and Luke wanted to come to Sam’s game, which Michael said they did. Calum smiled, glad that his friends were going to be there for the extra support. It would be the first time Sam had played again since Allie had been gone and Calum was sure they would both need it. Allie used to love watching Sam play. It didn’t seem so long ago they were playing catch outside in their backyard with her. Calum had to shake the memory from his mind so the emotion didn’t overwhelm him. It was too early to let his mood crash when he had a full day of work ahead of him.

Sam stayed after school in their aftercare program while he worked and he had been worried she would be upset about it. It was strange getting reassurance from his six year old that she wasn not upset and that she liked playing with the other kids. They spent their evenings talking about school as Calum finished unpacking their things and making their new house a home. Calum set up Sam’s bedroom first, and then his own, and moved on to other parts of the house. He was starting to feel better about moving now that they were settling into a routine.

By Saturday, the only boxes that were left were ones meant to be stored, which he placed in the garage for now. Florida didn’t really have winter months so all the winter clothes they had from living in New York weren’t really going to be of use. Calum would have to go through them so he could donate the things they didn’t need anymore. Two boxes were filled with things that belonged to Allie he hadn’t been able to part with, along with pictures and other various memories of her. He didn’t want to go through them because it meant opening up wounds he was trying desperately to heal. Calum stacked the boxes along one wall of the garage and covered them with a tarp. He just wasn’t ready to delve back into the recent past.

Just as he turned the light of the garage off and closed the door, he turned to see Sam standing there, looking up at him and he smiled down at her.

“Morning, kid.” Calum leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Want some breakfast?”

“Cereal?” she asked and Calum nodded. He placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and guided her toward the kitchen where she climbed up in the chair at the kitchen table. Calum grabbed the cereal, a bowl and spoon, and milk before bringing them over to the table. “Want some help?”

Sam shook her head. “I can do it.”

Calum stood by as she poured the cereal and the milk into the bowl, just in case she needed the help anyway. When she was done with the milk, he replaced it in the fridge and the cereal box in the pantry. He made himself a cup of coffee with milk and too much sugar and joined Sam at the table.

“Uncle Mike and Uncle Luke are coming to your game this afternoon. I think they’re excited to see you play.” They had never seen Sam play in real life, only through videos that Calum would send on occasion. “Are you excited for the first game of the season?”

“Yeah but I kinda wish Sophie was going to come,” Sam frowned. “Can she come spend the night one weekend?”

Sam had talked about Sophie all week long, since the first day of school and Calum smiled. “Don’t see why not. We’ll have to ask her parents.” Even though he had met Sophie’s father that first day they hadn’t really had much of a conversation. It was a little odd that his name - Ashton - stuck out in Calum’s head. He remembered thinking Ashton had a nice smile. Was it weird to remember his eye color? Probably.

“Can you do that Monday morning?” Sam asked, persistent in her mission.

“Yes, yes. If I see her mom or dad then we’ll ask them, okay?”

That seemed to satisfy her for the moment and she finished her cereal. Sam took the bowl and spoon to the sink and set them on the counter before she ran upstairs to change into her little league uniform. Calum took care of the dishes and by the time he was done, Sam was almost ready except for her hair which he helped her get into a ponytail. Sam’s bat and mitt were already in the car so all Calum needed was his phone, wallet and keys and they were on their way.

 

They met Michael and Luke in the parking lot, Lyric standing between them and holding each of their hands. Since he was just a little over a year, Lyric had only recently learned to walk but it was clear that he was ready to go as he tugged at his parents’ hands impatiently. It was mind boggling to Calum what a perfect mix of his parents he was with Michael's bright green eyes and Luke's sandy blond curls. Sam had his dark complexion but the rest of her always looked more like Allie.

“Hey guys,” Calum greeted. “If you want to go find seats I’ll catch up with you in a few minutes.”

“Sounds good,” Michael agreed. He looked down at Sam with a grin. “Destroy the other team, yeah?”

Sam grinned, her eyes glinting with excitement and Calum rolled his eyes. “Really? How about let’s all have fun and it’s okay if you don’t win?”

Michael scoffed. “What’s the point of playing if you’re not in it to win?”

“Michael, quit. They’re six year olds. Not major league players,” Luke scolded.

Calum laughed as Michael and Sam exchanged a shrug and he took his daughter’s hand. “I’ll see you guys in a few.”

With Sam’s bat in hand, Calum led her over to the dugout where her team was just starting to gather around their coach for a pep talk. He handed Sam her bat and then left the dugout so he could join Michael and Luke in the stands and took a seat on the opposite side of Michael from where Luke was sitting, Lyric in his lap and picking Cheerios out of his palm. Calum missed when Sam was that little. She was growing up so fast and the last year had been so hard on them he worried she was growing up faster than she had to.

Michael nudged him affectionately and brought him out of his thoughts. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Luke leaned forward so he could see Calum around Michael’s body. “So a friend of mine said he met you on the first day of school?” He spoke casually, like he’d only just thought of it even though the first day of school was a week ago. “Name’s Ashton and his little girl’s name is Sophie.”

Calum’s eyes snapped up to his friend and he blinked at him. It took his brain a moment to register what Luke was saying and he nodded slowly. “Yeah, we met. Sam and Sophie share a table. Apparently they’ve become fast friends. Sam was just talking about Sophie sleeping over one weekend.”

“Oh yeah?” Luke raised a brow. “Strange how small the world is.”

Brow knit, Calum looked toward Michael who shook his head. He had known them both for long enough to know when something was up and Luke wasn’t telling him something. He was about to ask when Sam’s game started and his attention was diverted to the field instead where her team was taking the field first. At some point he would ask Michael why Luke was acting weird but for now, the three of them focused on the start of the game and cheering Sam on as they played.

His opportunity came when Luke announced he was going for something to drink from concession and asked if they wanted anything. Luke handed Lyric over to Michael after their requests were put in and left the stands. Michael gave Lyric his phone to play with to keep him occupied and silence stretched between them but Calum could see Michael wanted to tell him something. He just needed to be prompted. So Calum did just that.

“What? Speak.” Whatever it was Calum was growing impatient.

“Luke didn’t just invite you and Sam over tonight for dinner, he invited Ashton and Sophie as well,” Michael blurted.

Calum blinked, confused. “Okay...so what?”

“So...it’s because Ashton is also a single dad…”

It took a moment for Calum’s brain to make sense of why Michael was telling him this and when it did, he groaned. “Oh my fucking god...are you serious?”

“Hey!” Michael exclaimed, bringing his hands up to cover Lyric’s ears. “Little ears here and if I can’t drop the f bomb then you can’t either. Yes, I’m serious. He thinks you and Ashton would get along well but he didn’t want to tell you he invited someone else in case you tried to punk out.”

“I wouldn’t have punked out if he hadn’t made it obvious that he’s got motive,” Calum argued. In fact, Calum wouldn’t have thought anything of it and just assumed he would be making a friend out of the situation. Luke was terrible at hiding his intentions though. “He’s not seriously trying to hook me up with someone is he?”

“He’s worried about you. Don’t roll your eyes. We both are. Besides, even if you just make a friend out of Ashton wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to hang out with that’s not married? You can’t tell me you don’t feel like a third wheel sometimes around us.”

It wasn’t something that Calum had consciously thought of and he’d never really given it too much though. It had always been the three of them since they were kids, and even after Michael and Luke got married he hadn’t felt like that. As much as he understood that his friends were worried about him, about his loneliness, he didn’t want either of them meddling in his love life or lack thereof.

“Look, you know I appreciate the concern but I’m not ready to date,” Calum said evenly. He didn’t want to hurt Luke’s feelings and in turn upset Michael. “I have no problem making a friend but that’s all it’s going to be, okay?”

Michael raised his hands defensively around Lyric, who was absorbed in some game on the Nick Jr app he was probably still too young to understand. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me that. This wasn’t my idea.”

“That I believe. Does this guy know that Luke’s hopeful this ends up in us dating?”

“I don’t think so. Ashton’s pretty recently divorced so Luke probably left that part out.”

 _Great_ , Luke thought. Not only was Luke attempting to play matchmaker for Calum but he was doing so with a guy that could very well be on the rebound. He was even less interested in the idea of dating someone just for something to do.

“Just give it a chance, okay? Ashton’s a great guy and it sort of sounds like Sam and Sophie are already attached at the hip,” Michael encouraged. “If nothing then you’ve got a new buddy to hang out with.”

“Fine, we’ll see how it goes.” Calum sighed. It wasn’t even like he could feel properly defeated because if he didn’t want to do this then he wouldn’t. Nothing Michael could say or do would make him change his mind because at the core of his personality he was stubborn.

“Oh, and don’t tell Luke I told you about this.” Michael murmured just as Luke was climbing back up onto the stands with three styrofoam cups in his hands.

“Scout’s honor,” Calum grinned at him.

Sam’s team won their game and the five of them went out for a celebratory ice cream at a shop just a mile from the field. Sam laughed over how much more ice cream Lyric wore rather than ate and he reminded her she had been that way too once. It led into easy conversation and stories about when she was a baby. Calum only half realized how carefully avoiding brining Allie into the conversation but neither Michael nor Luke called him out on it.

If he had been more conscious of what he was doing, Calum might have found it disturbing just how easily he could omit her from the stories that had shaped Sam’s childhood so far. It wasn’t for her protection but his own, because there were still too many painful things that revolved around Allie. Calum had so carefully compartmentalized them in his head so he could lock them away in the hope he never had to feel the pain of her loss again. It was absolutely unhealthy and he ought to be aware of it but he wasn’t and he couldn’t let himself. It was the only way he knew how to make it from one day to the next. It was the only way he knew how to not fall apart so he could be the parent Sam deserved.

Calum was nothing if not willing to sacrifice to make sure Sam remained his number one priority.

 

“So guess what,” Calum said as he led Sam through the garage door that led into their kitchen. “Sophie’s going to be at dinner tonight with her dad.”

Sam’s eyes lit up and a huge grin split her features. “Really?”

“Really. Her daddy is one of Uncle Luke’s work friends so you should pack a bag with some things you want to take to play with.”

“Can I bring some movies?” she asked.

“Just two. I don’t think you’ll need more than that. Don’t forget you have to play with Lyric as well,” Calum reminded her.

“I know, daddy.” Sam’s expression clearly read _‘duh’_ on it but she didn’t say it for fear of getting in trouble for talking back. Calum shook his head and waved her upstairs. “Go take off your uniform and I’ll get your bath ready.”

“Don’t forget the bubbles.”

“Please?”

“Please,” she added on.

They trekked up the stairs and Sam went into her room while Calum went into the bathroom to run the water, and he plugged the drain when it was warm enough. A moment later, Sam appeared in the doorway wrapped in a neon orange robe she’d gotten last year. It was getting too short and she needed a new one but for now, it worked.

“Alright, get in and don’t forget to rinse all of the shampoo out of your hair.” Sam was too old now for him to bathe her but she still sometimes missed spots in her hair which had them right back in the bathroom, rinsing it out in the sink.

Sam nodded and waited for him to leave the bathroom, which he did and closed the door only enough to give her a sense of privacy, in case anything happened and she called out for him. Calum went into her bedroom and picked out a set of play clothes that were still in good shape and laid them out on the bed for her. Sam wasn’t particularly girly in the traditional sense of the word, preferring sports to dolls and shirts with funny sayings on them as opposed to princesses. He and Allie had always encouraged Sam to be whoever she wanted to be. It didn’t matter to them if she wanted to be a princess for Halloween or a superhero because they wanted Sam to choose the person she wanted to be.

Calum moved to sit on the edge of her bed and looked around the room he had put together for her. It still needed to be painted the way Sam wanted. Allie had decorated her room the last time and Calum wasn’t sure if he ought to recreate it or do something different. He reminded himself to ask her.

He didn’t know how long he sat on her bed before Sam appeared in the room, back in her bathrobe and asking him if he was okay. “Yeah, kid. Sorry. I was just thinking.” He stood from the bed and checked Sam's hair for any missed shampoo. He didn't find any and gestured to the clothes on the bed. “Get dressed and I’ll see you down stairs.

“Okay.”

Calum left the room and closed the door. Maybe Michael was right, maybe it was a good idea for him to meet someone to have adult conversations with that weren’t them, a married couple. Even if Calum had no interest in dating it would at least be nice to have someone to call up to go for a beer once in awhile. Someone who understood what a struggle it could be to be a single parent. Calum told himself that’s all it was going to be, just friendship, and that he was absolutely not in any way interested in Ashton no matter how nice his smile was.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite the fact Ashton had pestered Luke through text messages about what he ought to bring to dinner, Luke had refused to give him an answer. He’d been told not to worry about it and to just come and enjoy himself, but Ashton didn’t feel right about doing that. He had been to Luke’s and Michael’s house a few times, but he hadn’t known them long enough to feel like more than a guest regardless of how welcoming they were. So he and Sophie stopped at a Publix on the way to to pick up a pack of juice boxes and a case of beer; Corona Light to be specific, which seemed to be Luke’s favorite. They had an hour before they were supposed to be there but Ashton was procrastinating, which Sophie seemed to pick up and she reached for his hand as they walked through the aisles of the store.

“Are you okay, daddy?” she asked, looking up at him innocently. Ashton felt bad that she was picking up on his strange mood.

“Yeah, honey. I’m okay.” What was he supposed to tell her? That he was weirdly nervous about this dinner with Luke and Michael because Calum was going to be there? Someone he had literally met once and yet had been stupidly attracted to? It wasn’t something six year olds were going to understand, and he was by no means underestimating his daughter’s intelligence.

“You seem nervous.” Sophie was nothing if not persistent at times.

“Just because I don’t really know Sam’s dad all that well. You know how I get around new people.”

“Shy?”

Ashton smiled and nodded. “Shy.”

It wasn’t a lie because he always found himself only speaking when being spoken to when it came to people he didn’t know. Ashton was just glad it wasn’t more than one extra person and Sophie was so excited to play with Sam he couldn’t disappoint her by canceling. He gave his daughter’s hand a gentle squeeze as they made their way to the juice aisle so she could pick a flavor; Honest Kids Strawberry Kiwi. They paid for their items and Ashton realized he only had about ten minutes to get his shit together before they arrived. Ashton waited for Sophie to get buckled in and started the car.

 

 

They hit every red light from the grocery store to the neighborhood Luke and Michael lived in. It was similar to his own, deed restricted and with houses all the same muted colors because the HOA would have a fit if you painted your house too crazy of a color. The surrounding area they lived in was one of the safest and with some of the best schools so it was worth the annoyance. Ashton pulled into his friends’ driveway, alongside a black SUV that he knew didn’t belong to either Luke or Michael. Ashton drew in a deep breath as he turned the car off, and then got out. When Sophie joined him he handed her the package of juice boxes and held the case of beer against his side as he locked the doors to his vehicle.

Ashton looked down at Sophie with a small smile. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

He led them up the porch and rang the doorbell, and they only waited a few minutes before the door was opened and Michael appeared before them with a bright smile.

“Hey, come on in. Everyone’s out back on the lanai,” Michael waved them in and Ashton let Sophie in first. “Did you bring your bathing suit, Soph?”

“Yep. It’s in my backpack,” she beamed, turning slightly so Michael could see the very pink backpack.

“Awesome. Sam’s already in the pool with Lyric and Luke. Why don’t you got get changed. You remember where the bathroom is, yeah?”

“I remember!” Sophie handed Ashton the pack of juice boxes and darted across the living room and down the hallway where the guest bathroom was to change.

“And what about you?” Michael asked with a grin. “Did you bring something to swim in?”

Ashton felt like it was a loaded question and he rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the offer, but no.”

“Too bad. Calum’ll probably be disappointed.”

“Wait what?” It was too late. Michael was walking away from him and Ashton felt heat spread to his cheeks. How was it that even at thirty years old it was still possible to blush over something so stupid?

He shook his head and went into the kitchen to put the juice and beer in the fridge and by the time he was done, Sophie had finished changing and joined him at the sliding glass door that led onto the lanai. Just as Michael had said, Luke and Lyric were in the pool; the baby in a pool toy that had a little umbrella over it to block the son while Sam was clung to Luke’s back. Ashton smiled at the sight before him and placed a hand on Sophie’s shoulder to lead her over to the table where Michael and Calum were sitting.

“Cal, you remember Ashton…” It was more of a statement than a question on Michael’s part.

“‘Course. Hey, Ashton.” Calum offered a smile that sent a strange little squirm through Ashton’s stomach.

“Hey, nice seeing you again. This is my daughter, Sophie,” Ashton introduced her.

“I’ve heard so much about you, Sophie.” Calum reached for her hand and shook it gently. Sophie’s smile could have lit up a room. “Sam talks about you all the time.”

As if on cue, Sam appeared at Sophie’s side with a bright smile to match. “Sophie! Come on, we can have a race in the pool. You know how to swim right?”

“Yep. I learned when I was a baby,” Sophie replied.

“Suncreen first.” Ashton lay a hand on Sophie’s shoulder and directed her toward the table where he took a seat next to Calum. He dug the suncreen out of Sophie’s backpack and sprayed her down with it. While it dried, Ashton used a suncreen stick to cover her face. Even in August, the Florida sun was brutal and sunburns left everyone miserable for days. Sophie was impatient to join her friend in the pool and once Ashton was finished, she was off, following Sam into the pool. Ashton put the sunscreen back in the bag and zipped it closed.

He turned to Michael and Calum, who were chatting about something, and smiled. He missed the first part of the conversation but quickly picked up on the fact they were talking about work. Ashton knew that Michael was a speech therapist, and that he often used music with the kids. Both Michael and Luke were musicians and it was no surprise they’d named their child Lyric.

Ashton waited for a pause in the conversation before he interjected and turned toward Calum. “You’re a therapist as well? Speech?”

Calum shook his head. “Not speech. Physical therapy. I work with athletes who have been injured, mostly from USF.” He grinned faintly as he raised the beer bottle in his hand to his lips and said, “Not nearly as creative as Mikey here.”

“Hey, shut up. I never gave you shit about your job,” Michael retorted. “I came to all your football games in high school.”

Ashton laughed softly at the banter between them. He’d only been here five minutes and he could see the easiness of Calum’s and Michael’s friendship. There was only one person Ashton felt like he was that close to, his friend Ashley whom he’d known since college and the only person that hadn’t come along with Brynn. When things in his marriage began to fall apart, Ashton had distanced himself from the people he’d spent time with regularly. He’d focused on being Sophie’s father and less on a social life despite Ashley telling him he was being stupid. Ashton felt like he had to make it up to Sophie in some way because their family had fallen apart.

“You work with Luke?”

Calum was asking him a question and Ashton blinked at him, taking a moment for it to sink in because he’d become lost in his thoughts. “Oh yeah, sort of...I’m a therapist at the high school.”

“Do you counsel teachers as well because I have no idea how Luke deals with teenagers,” Calum grinned.

“Don’t think I haven’t found him lying face first on the living floor asking what his life has come to?” Michael shook his head though a smile was on his features. “Don’t let him fool you. He loves it even if it’s torture.”

“So far he hasn’t come crying into my office,” Ashton offered.

“I hear you talking about me.” The three of them turned in their seats to see Luke approach the table, Lyric in his arms and wrapped in a baby towel with a duck hood. He took a seat in the empty chair and sat the baby in his lap. “The beauty of being a performing arts teacher is that I have students who _want_ to come to my class.”

“Point taken,” Calum raised his hands in defense.

As far as Ashton knew, Luke had followed in the footsteps of his mother who had been a math teacher though he’d chosen a slightly different path more suited to what he loved. Ashton watched as Lyric reached for everything and anything he could get his hands on. He missed when Sophie was a baby.

“And you’re all coming to any and all school performances this year whether you like it or not because that’s what friends do,” Luke added.

There was a collective groan around the table and Ashton laughed. “I’ll be there for you, buddy.” He clapped Luke on the shoulder. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“That’s what you call a true friend.” He informed Calum and Luke, earning an eye roll from Michael.

A few moments later, Luke got up to take Lyric into the house to get him dressed in dry clothes and Michael followed, claiming he wanted to get started on the food. Ashton and Calum both offered to help but Michael refused. It left them alone and silence fell between them, the only sound were the girls chattering and splashing around in the pool. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, but something that happened when two people didn’t exactly know each other. It had been so long since Ashton had really been in this sort of situation he wasn’t sure how to start a conversation. It seemed the easiest place to start with what they both had in common; their daughters.

“So Sam and Sophie seem to be thick as thieves,” he said casually.

“Oh yeah...Sam talks about her all the time,” Calum smiled. “It’s been really good for her because of the move and whatnot.”

“Yeah, Luke mentioned that you’d just moved back to town. Where were you before this?” He hoped it didn’t sound like he was prying into Calum’s business. Ashton was really just curious about where he’d been before this.

“Upstate New York. Near Buffalo.”

Ashton nodded. Luke had told him already that Calum’s wife had passed away a year ago so he didn’t ask why he and Sam had moved back to Florida. He wasn’t sure he was supposed to know that so he kept it to himself. He couldn’t help but wonder what Luke and Michael had told Calum about him.

“Have you lived in Florida for a long time?”

It was a basic question and Ashton smiled. “Yeah, born and raised. I moved to Tampa for college and just...never left. I’m from about an hour north of here.”

They fell into easy conversation after that, about the girls and work. About how long they’ve known Luke and Michael and the things they enjoyed. Calum told him that Sam was really into sports and was currently on the little league team, and Ashton mentioned that Sophie was in dance class. Calum asked if it would be alright if Sophie stayed the night the following weekend, and Ashton agreed. He was glad that Sophie was getting along so well with Sam, especially since he and Calum had close mutual friends. It didn’t go unnoticed that Luke seemed to be checking in on them either and Ashton had to fight hard not to roll his eyes.

Eventually, Michael returned to the lanai even though there was no real excuse for him to have taken so long, and he was followed by Luke who was holding Lyric’s hand. Lyric tugged his hand free to come running over to Calum, crawling into his lap. Ashton couldn’t help but grin and that strange feeling was back in his stomach. He needed something to distract himself so he got up and wandered over to where Michael was at the grill with hot dogs and hamburgers ready to go.

“Need some help?” he asked.

Michael shook his head. “Nah, go relax. Get to know Calum.”

“Okay...what’s up? Why are you and Luke so insistent that I get to know him?” Ashton kept his voice low so he wouldn’t be heard because he didn’t want to offend anyone, but he was getting the idea there was more to this than he realized. “Is Luke trying to set me up with this guy?”

The look on Michael’s face appeared surprised and to someone who didn’t know him, it might have worked. But Ashton did know him and it was easy to tell that Michael wasn’t shocked by this idea at all. “We would never...okay yeah...maybe a little bit…”

“I see.”

Ashton wasn’t mad. Not really. He sort of had the idea that’s what Luke was thinking from the moment he found out he and Calum knew each other. The strange look on Luke’s face when they’d gone out to lunch, like a lightbulb had turned on over his head, had clued Ashton in. He just wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea, or how Calum would feel about it. Ashton had only been officially divorced for six months and he didn’t know if he was ready to start dating again, especially since Brynn had a new boyfriend and that was enough for Sophie to deal with.

“Are you mad?” Michael frowned faintly, his brow knitting in concern.

“No, I’m not mad. I appreciate that you guys are concerned but I really don’t think I’m ready to date. I just want to focus on raising Sophie,” he answered gently.

“I respect that but you know...it’s okay to want something for yourself right? It doesn’t make you a bad parent.”

“I know.” Ashton did know that. Ashley would tell him he was using it as an excuse, or that he was hiding behind the idea so he didn’t have to make any kind of effort. He wasn’t sure it was necessarily a bad thing to want to focus on himself or Sophie.

They left the conversation behind and even though Michael had told him initially he didn’t need the help, Ashton helped anyway. He cleared off and wiped down the table on the lanai before setting it while Luke and Calum got the rest of the food out of the kitchen. He called the girls out of the pool and wrapped them in towels so they could dry off before they sat down to eat. Ashton sat on one side of the two girls while Calum sat on the other and more than once, he found their eyes would meet and they would exchange smiles. It made Ashton’s stomach squirm in the best way.

  


The sun had set by the time dinner was over and everything was cleaned up. Lyric had been put to bed and the girls went inside to watch movies in the living room, leaving the adults to chat among themselves on the lanai. The conversation was light, and mostly consisted of Michael, Luke and Calum reminiscing about their childhood. Ashton didn’t mind. Most of their stories had him laughing more often than not. Part of him wished he had a bond with people the way the three of them did. He felt like he was learning much more about Calum than he was supposed to in one night.

“Remember when Sam wouldn’t stop crying when we got married?” Luke smiled, looking between Michael and Luke. “Nothing would console her. It was so bad that Allie had to leave the room so the officiant could finish.”

“I remember,” Calum smiled but it looked a little strained to Ashton.

Luke must have realized what he’d done and bit down on his lower lip. Beneath the table, Ashton saw Michael nudge his husband with his foot. It was the first time Allie had come up in conversation and an awkward silence fell over them. Ashton looked down at the glass beer bottle in his hand and picked idly at the label for a moment before he broke the silence.

“You know Sophie was in our wedding as well. Brynn and I didn’t get married until she a little over a year old. She didn’t really get the whole flower girl concept so Brynn’s niece did most of the work.”

“So basically her job was to look really cute the whole time, right?” Michael chimed in.

“Pretty much. She managed to somehow get out of her dress by the middle of the reception and took off through the hall in just tights and a diaper. It was wild.”

It got a laugh out of all of them, effectively breaking the tension that had been created and Ashton was thankful for that. He watched as Luke looked across the table at Calum, his expression apologetic and for a moment there was a silent communication between them. Luke seemed to feel better about it after and any lingering awkwardness dissolved. It was clear that Calum wasn’t yet ready to talk about his late wife in any capacity. Ashton didn’t blame him.

“So some friends of ours are playing at a place in Ybor in a couple weeks. You guys want to come?” Michael asked, changing the course of the conversation. “Can you get babysitters? They’re really good and they asked us to bring people. What do you say?”

Ashton contemplated it for a moment, and he almost said no until a voice in the back of his head very sternly told him to not even think about it. Strangely enough, it sounded a lot like Ashley’s voice. “Yeah sure. Why not? Sophie’ll be at Brynn’s that weekend.”

“Excellent. Cal?”

“Yeah, alright. I’m sure Mali can watch Sam.”

Even though neither Luke nor Michael seemed to be plotting anything, Ashton couldn’t help but feel like they were trying to find reasons to get the two of them in the same place again. He found he didn’t entirely mind it either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! Since the story is set in Florida and I'm from Florida I just wanted to make sure everyone was aware of what a "lanai" is. I'm not sure how popular these are outside of Florida or if they're called something different in other states/parts of the U.S.. That being said, for those of you who don't know what it is a lanai is pronounced la-NYE and it looks like [THIS.](https://cdn-fastly.hometalk.com/media/2014/09/08/919076/florida-lanai-gardening-suggestions-gardening.jpg?size=480x667&nocrop=1) :D Essentially, it's just a pool area that's screened in. Most homes in Florida that have pools have a lanai. 
> 
> That's it! That's all I wanted to add! Enjoy reading and thank you so much!


	5. Chapter 5

The following weekend, Sophie had come to stay the night at their house. Calum had invited Ashton to stay for dinner, but he politely declined and said it was because he had a ton of work to catch up on. Calum had been disappointed, but chose not to push the matter. They had gotten along well when they’d had dinner with Luke and Michael, but he thought Ashton might feel awkward just around him. Not that Calum blamed him because he understood. Not everyone was quick to jump into weird situations. Besides, in a week they were going with Luke and Michael to a club to watch some of their friends perform. Calum didn’t know them but Michael had assured them their band was good. He thought perhaps his best friend was a little nostalgic. Once upon a time, the three of them had talked about becoming a band, but real life had gotten in the way and it fell through. In another life, perhaps, they’d be famous and touring the world. Calum was content with how his life had turned out, save for the fact Allie was no longer a part of it.

Sophie had brought some of her own toys over for the girls to play with, which consisted of fake makeup, nail polish that could easily be peeled off and two princess dresses: one Belle and the other Rapunzel. At first, Sam was hesitant at the idea of playing dress up but Sophie promised her that once they were done playing princesses they could play kickball out in the backyard. Sam agreed as long as she got to wear the Belle costume because 'at least it wasn’t pink.' Calum couldn’t help but laugh as the girls played in the living room in their princess costumes and socks. He painted their nails when they asked him to (though he was terrible at it) slew the pretend dragon with an umbrella to save them. Then he somehow became the dragon when the girls decided they didn’t actually _need_ a prince or knight to save them, but they kept him as a pet instead.

It was early evening by the time they were bored of playing princesses and went out into the yard to play kickball as promised. Calum found himself marveling at the never ending energy six years olds always seemed to have. He suddenly felt old despite the fact he was only thirty. They ran him ragged during the game, so by the time Mali showed up with pizza for dinner, he was glad for it. They sat on lanai with their pizza and drinks, and the girls told Mali all about taming the wild dragon as princesses. Mali laughed, congratulating the girls on their victory.

By the time they were finished, night was creeping over the horizon and the girls asked Calum and Mali to help them build a blanket fort in the den. Calum got the extra blankets out of the linen closet and Mali helped him drape them over the dining room chairs he’d dragged into the den. The girls stuffed it with pillows and stuffed animals, and the lamp from Sam’s room set off a soft glow from the inside. Calum and Mali left the girls to themselves and went into the living room.

“You’re doing great, little brother.”

Calum smiled at his sister as he flopped next to her. “I’m trying. It’s still hard. There are still days I don’t know how we’ve gotten this far. Sophie’s been good for Sam.”

“Seems like it,” Mali replied. “But what about you?”

“What about me?” Calum blinked at his sister.

“I just want to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself is all. I know you’ve been so worried about Sam but she seems to be doing okay. With Sophie and the therapy…” Mali paused for a moment and gave him a soft smile. “You can focus on you a little bit, Cal.”

People kept telling him that. It was okay to focus on himself. It was okay to want to find happiness again. But how could he do that when he felt so goddamn guilty about it? It wasn’t like he’d lost Allie because their relationship simply hadn’t worked out. They hadn’t parted on amicable terms in a divorce. Calum had been madly in love with his wife when she died.

“How can I be happy again when it’s my fault she died, Mali?” His voice was small, wounded. Tears stung the back of his eyes and he closed them tightly until the sensation passed.

“Oh Cal…” His sister’s arms went around him immediately and she pulled him into a tight hug. “You know that’s not true.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, in his heart, he knew it wasn’t his fault. But he still felt like it was. He still felt that Allie had died because of a choice he had made. No amount of people telling him it wasn’t his fault would take away the guilt. A year later, he still felt it just as rawly as he did the day it happened. Calum would never - could never - forget the way it felt to tell Sam that her mother was dead. He could never forget the agony on her little face, the heartbreaking sound of her sobs against his chest. Sam had dealt with her grief better than he had, perhaps because she was younger and more resilient. Calum didn’t know.

“Calum please...you can’t do this to yourself.” Mali’s words were soft, almost pleading.

All the counseling Calum had been receiving didn’t seem to be helping, and he knew it was because he wasn’t allowing it. It was easier to wallow in his grief so he didn’t have to face the truth. So he didn’t have to worry about loving someone again only to lose them.

  


One week later, Sam went to stay the night with Mali so Calum could go out with his friends. He’d felt infinitely better after crying in Mali’s arms for a little while the night Sophie had spent the night with Sam. He’d scheduled an extra therapy session for that week, and told his therapist he was ready to try and live again. His therapist had been happy to hear that. It would take work, nothing changed over night and Calum wasn’t foolish enough to believe that, but it was a start. A step forward. He felt like some of the weight that had been settled on his chest had been lifted off.

They were going to a place in Ybor called Crowbar. A club that featured live music and hosted several local bands from around the state. Calum had a difficult time choosing what to wear, and he realized it wasn’t because he cared about impressing Luke or Michael, but he did want to impress Ashton. It was a ridiculous feeling. He was thirty years old. He felt like he shouldn’t be so concerned about impressing anyone at all. Eventually, he chose a nice pair of black skinny jeans and a black button down silk shirt. The ensemble was completed with a pair of black boots. Calum left the first couple of buttons on the shirt undone, a patch of caramel tinted skin on display.

Calum hadn’t heard from Luke or Michael since the day before when they’d agreed to meet outside of the club around 9pm. That didn’t really bother him because his friends weren’t often the greatest with communication. He left an hour before they were meant to meet, giving himself plenty of time to get into Tampa and navigate the traffic of the city on a Saturday night.

Parking in Ybor was awful but he managed to find a spot in a parking garage only a few blocks from the club. Calum checked for his phone and wallet before getting out of the vehicle and locking it before pocketing his keys. The sun had just barely set as he walked down the street from the garage to Crowbar, the last bits of light peeking through the buildings around him from over the bay. It was hot and humid out, causing a light layer of sweat to from on his skin. The silk shirt was sticking to him and he was going to be grateful to be inside in air conditioning. The Florida heat was stifling even at night. All around him were clubs and restaurants, the scent of different foods wafted in the street and Cal’s stomach grumbled slightly. The last time he’d eaten had been hours ago. He should have grabbed something quick on the way. Oh well. Maybe they could grab dinner after the band played.

He’d just reached the front of Crowbar, the line already forming to get in, when his phone dinged with a text message. Calum dug it out of his pocket and opened the message, and a groan left him immediately. The message was an selfie of Luke sticking out his bottom lip, Lyric asleep on his chest and looking feverish. The caption read _‘not gonna make it, lyric has an ear infection. sorry and have fun with ash x’_. Calum sighed and sent back a text to Luke know it was cool. He couldn’t even be mad at them for ditching. He’d have done the same thing if it were Sam. Though he was mildly annoyed Luke didn’t text him earlier to let him know this thing was canceled. Calum though he’d done it on purpose. It put him and Ashton together. Alone.

“Hey, Calum!” A voice called to him.

As if he’d thought Ashton into existence, there he was. Calum blinked, his eyes traveling over the other man to take him in. Like him, Ashton wore black skinny jeans and boots, but the button down shirt he wore was red. Holy hell, he looked great in red. Where the top two buttons were undone, he could see a bit of chest hair peeking out and Calum worried at the inside of his cheek. This was a horrible idea. Terrible, in fact, because he realized just how attractive Ashton was.

It occurred to him then that he was staring and Calum shook himself out of his stupor. “Hey, Ashton. Did you get the text from Luke?”

Ashton looked perplexed as he reached for his phone in his back pocket. “No, what happened? Are they gonna be late?” He opened his phone and blinked at the screen. “Oh.”

 _Oh, indeed,_  Calum thought. Ashton shut the screen off and turned a smile up to Calum. “No big deal. We can still go watch the band and have a good time. It wasn’t exactly an easy drive over here so why waste the trip?”

Calum returned smile. “Guess you’ve got a point.”

They got in line, which moved quickly once the doors were open. People spread out around the club; some moving to the bar while others found tables. Some got their drinks and moved down to the open area of the club in front of the stage. Calum let Ashton lead the way and they found a small table on the right side of the stage. It would allow them to watch the band but they wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the sound either. A waitress came over and asked them for their drink order and if they wanted to open a tab, which they both agreed. She gave them a flirty wink before moving off to the next table.

The din of excited chatter filled the room around them and Calum turned to face Ashton so they could talk. “Can’t believe they ditched on us,” he laughed. “Parenting life.”

“True,” Ashton agreed. “I’d have done the same if it were Sophie.”

“Me too.”

That was definitely the one thing they all had in common now; they were parents. Their children came first no matter what. Calum remembered the months leading up to Sam’s birth, how worried he’d been that he would be a terrible parent because he had loved being free. He and Allie had been so wrapped up in each other and their young lives that he’d been worried he wasn’t ready. He remembered a conversation with his mother about how no one was ever really ready to be a parent, there was no manual, but if you waited until you were ready then you’d never have children. His mother assured him that he would be a wonderful parent because he had a good heart and a kind soul. Every parent worried they were going to suck at raising their child. They did the best they could. Calum had been less worried about it since then. The day he’d held Sam in his arms for the first time, he knew he’d do anything to protect her. Anything to make her feel safe and loved.

They chatted about work along with other mundane things, and the waitress returned with their drinks. They tipped her for her service before she left. Both of them had chosen beer, on account that they were driving and couldn’t get piss drunk. Calum didn’t want to get an Uber and leave his car in a parking garage overnight in Ybor. That was asking for trouble.

Ashton talked about some of his interests and asked Calum about his, and Calum realized they had more in common than he would have initially thought. They liked the same bands, wanted to vacation to the same places. Ashton seemed interested in anything Calum had to say, and he realized the feeling was mutual. More than once, he found his gaze slipping down to Ashton’s mouth and then lower to the small glimpse of skin from his open shirt.  He flushed when he realized what he was doing and looked down into his beer instead.

The band got on stage nearly an hour later, and they turned their attention to that, their conversation on pause for now. They were a punk band, similar to Flogging Molly and Calum wasn’t the least bit surprised. Luke had had a penchant for this kind of music when they were kids. It wasn’t Calum’s favorite, but he enjoyed the charisma of the frontman and the way he engaged the audience. They played for nearly an hour before getting off stage briefly, only returning when the audience called for an encore. They seemed to be well liked by the locals. Two more songs were played before they finally got off stage and the crowd went back to mingling.

They were only three beers deep, which wasn’t a lot by any means but Calum didn’t drink much anymore. Not since Sam had been born. Plus, he was starving. “Wanna get out of here and find some food? There’s a Taco Bus not far from here.”

Not exactly a date type of place but this wasn’t a date. Not really.

“Sure,” Ashton agreed. He drained the last of his beer and followed Calum to the bar so they could close out their tabs.

A few minutes later, they were out of the club and back in the balmy night air. People were moving quickly up and down the sidewalks as Calum led them in the direction of Taco Bus, bouncing from club to club. They walked closely together to avoid being run into by scantily dressed girls and their partners, hurrying to get inside to the next party. At one point, their hands brushed and Calum jerked his hand away quickly, muttering an apology. Ashton smiled at him, and didn’t seem the least bit bothered by it.

They reached Taco Bus and placed their order: Calum ordered the twin grande tacos while Ashton got a beef quesadilla. He nudged Ashton out of the way and paid for both meals, dismissing Ashton’s protest. The guy only relented when Calum agreed to let him pay for his food the next time they went out. It made his stomach squirm slightly. Did that mean Ashton wanted to go out with him again? Maybe he was just being nice. Calum couldn’t tell.

Their food came up and they walked over to an empty table with an umbrella over it. Calum was so hungry he immediately dug into the tacos. Ashton laughed.

“What?” Calum mumbled once he’d swallowed. “I’m starving.”

“I can tell.” The grin never left Ashton’s face, even as he tucked into his own food.

 

It didn’t take long before the food was gone, but their drinks remained as the nursed them. They lingered at the table, the sounds of Ybor a strangely pleasant background noise.

“So...how long have you been divorced?” Calum asked, wincing faintly. Better to get the awkward part of the conversation over with.

Ashton didn’t seem upset over it. “Six months, but we’d been separated for a long ass time before that. I don’t know...it was one of those things where our marriage had been over for a long time but neither of us wanted to admit it.” He paused, seemed to rethink his words. “I didn’t want to admit it.”

“Because of Sophie?” Calum raised a brow. 

“Exactly because of Sophie.”

Calum understood that. No one wanted to break up their child’s home. “But you gave it your best effort, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course. We went to marriage counseling, tried to fix the problem we were having but in the end it just didn’t work out. We fell out of love.” Ashton shrugged, his expression sad though not heartbroken. “I don’t regret the decision we made though I hope it doesn’t affect Sophie too much.”

“Kids are resilient,” Calum smiled. “I think as long as you both love her and don’t use her as a pawn then she’ll be fine.”

Ashton nodded, his smile brightening a bit. “You’re right. Brynn and I tried to make it as easy as possible on her. We’re still friends...kinda...it’s weird. She’s got a new boyfriend and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I guess it’s that worry that he’ll try and replace me as Sophie’s dad.”

“I think that’s natural. I think anyone would feel that way. I know I would.” On impulse, he nudged Ashton’s foot with his own under the table. “I don’t think you have to worry. Sophie talks about you like you hung the moon.”

A laugh came out of Ashton and he shook his head. Calum realized he really, really liked the sound of it. “The rose-tinted glasses that kids look through.”

“I don’t think she’s got it wrong.”

Even in the dim lighting, Calum could see that Ashton’s cheeks were tinged a faint pink. Ashton cleared his throat and mumbled a small thanks. He seemed to be thinking, like he wanted to ask something but he wasn’t sure how to go about it.

“Luke told me that your wife died,” he said hesitantly. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

Calum felt his chest constrict slightly, his brain immediately wanting to shut down the conversation even though he shouldn't. It wouldn’t be fair to Ashton, or to himself, if he did that. He had to find a way to work through this, to be able to push past the pain so he could move on from it. Mali was right. He needed to allow himself to feel something, to focus a little bit on himself so he didn’t live the rest of his life miserable and alone. It was just so hard.

“Yeah, she did. A year ago.” he replied softly.

“How has Sam been since then?”

“It was hard at first, but she’s been in counseling for it since it happened. I think she’s made peace with it. So much of Allie is alive in Sam and...I guess she’s not truly gone.” Calum saw Allie every day in Sam when she smiled or the way she did something. Her mannerisms were like her mother’s. It had been painful to see that at first but now, sitting with Ashton as he thought about it, a little smile slipped onto his features.

Calum didn’t realize that Ashton was reaching across the table until a hand was over his. “We don’t have to talk about it if it hurts too much. I’m still a stranger for the most part.”

“No, not really. Not anymore.” Calum shook his head. It was a strange feeling, not knowing someone but feeling like you did. He turned his hand up so their palms pressed together for a few seconds. The warmth of it, the comfort, was something that Calum had sorely missed from another human being. There was his family, of course, and Luke and Michael. But that was familial and platonic affection. Not emotional intimacy. It scared him a little and he slid his hand away from Ashton’s after a moment.

A voice called out from the bus, telling them they were closing up for the night and that the lights would go off. Calum thanked them and stood up from the table, Ashton following suit, so they could throw their trash away.

By some stroke of luck, they had parked in the same garage and walked together in a silence that should have been awkward but wasn’t. It was comfortable and this time, when his hand brushed against Ashton’s it was on purpose. They linked fingers for just a moment, and then it was over. Baby steps, Calum told himself. There was no reason to rush.

They reached Ashton’s car first and he turned to lean against the driver’s side door just after he unlocked it. “Tonight was fun,” he grinned. “We should do it again.”

“Definitely,” Calum agreed.

The air between them was electric, and Calum was conflicted. He should walk away. Say goodnight and let that be that. But he wasn’t ready to yet, not without...something. What that something was came a moment later when Ashton was suddenly leaning forward and their lips met.

Calum froze, stunned for a moment as his brain tried to register what was happening. Ashton’s lips against his, warm and soft. Ashton kissing him. He felt like a fucking teenage boy again, experiencing his first kiss. Calum wasn’t a teenager. This wasn’t his first kiss. Hell, this wasn’t even his first kiss with another man, and yet he took him at least ten seconds to get his shit together.

Finally, his body caught up with his brain and he closed his eyes, returning the kiss. Calum’s hands raised to cup Ashton’s face as his lips parted, the tip of his tongue sliding along Ashton’s lower lip as an invitation. Ashton took it, and when their tongues met, brushing against each other slowly, it was all Calum could do not to groan. A shiver of pleasure snaked down his spine to settle in his belly. God, he’d forgotten how good it felt to kiss someone. How good it felt to have Ashton’s hand on his waist and pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed together. It was too hot to be so close to someone, and sweating wasn’t attractive, but Calum didn’t care. All he cared about was the taste of Ashton’s mouth. It felt so fucking good.

He was the first to break the kiss when his lungs began to burn, and he gasped softly. Both of their breathing was a little heavy, Ashton’s lips were puffy from the kiss and his eyes were dark. Calum knew he must have looked the same, lusty and a little hungry for physical contact. It would be so easy to ask Ashton to follow him home. The girls weren’t there. They would have the house to themselves. Calum was already thinking of all the places in his house that had yet to be christened, but he forced those thoughts aside. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ready. Not yet.

“Goodnight, Ashton,” he said finally.

Ashton didn’t look disappointed, and for that Calum was grateful. “Goodnight, Calum.”


	6. Chapter 6

“What do you keep smiling at?” Ashley’s voice held a certain amount of impatience that Ashton had gotten used to over the years. Most of the time he could ignore it, but it cut through the happy little bubble he’d been in the entire day.

Glancing up at his best friend, Ashton attempted to school his features by hiding the grin on his face. “What? Nothing.”

“Something,” she snorted.

“Seriously, it’s nothing.”

Ashley reached across the table and snatched the phone out of his hand. Ashton protested, reaching for his phone but she held it out of his reach. Unwilling to make a spectacle of them in public, Ashton slumped back into his seat, defeated. Already he could feel heat rushing to his cheeks as Ashley scrolled up once and a smile broke out over her features. When she was finished prying into his private life, she calmly handed the phone back across the table to him.

“So,” she began as she rested an elbow on the table and her chin in her palm, “who is Calum?”

Right then, Ashton sort of hoped the ground beneath him would open up and swallow him whole. It had been a long time since he’d dated someone, and he wasn’t even completely sure that’s what this was with Calum.

“He’s just a friend,” replied Ashton, waving a hand dismissively. “I met him through Luke and Michael.”

“Ah. So this ‘just a friend’ sure seems to think you’re a wonderful kisser.”

Ashley looked smug, like she’d trapped him and intended to torment a confession out of him. Ashton would have been mildly disturbed by such if he hadn’t known this woman practically his entire life.

Groaning, Ashton leaned forward and moved a hand through his hair. He darkened the screen on his phone, along with turning the ringer off so he wouldn’t be distracted by it. He wasn’t sure what to tell Ashley because even though this non-date had been almost a week ago, and they had kissed, texted every day since then, Ashton didn’t actually know what was happening between them.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking but it’s wrong. Calum and I are just hanging out. We kissed, but it was nothing.” Ashton had to suppress the sting he felt at the idea that it didn’t mean anything. Maybe it hadn’t to Calum. He was too afraid to ask. “Please don’t make this a big deal.”

Ashley raised a brow at him, seemed to consider his request, then shrugged. “Fine. I won’t make a big deal out of it, but you could at least tell me about him. Satisfy my curiosity.”

Ashton laughed, shrugging. “I don’t know. There’s not much to tell? He’s a childhood friend of Michael and Luke, he has a six year old daughter named Sam who just so happens to be Sophie’s new best friend. We were supposed to go to see a band play with Michael and Luke, but Lyric got sick at the last minute so it ended up just the two of us. He recently moved back here from New York and…” He cut himself off, unsure if it was his place to tell Ashley the reason why Calum and Sam had moved back to Tampa.

“And...what?” Ashley prodded gently.

“Well...he moved back here because his wife died.” Ashton frowned, feeling guilty about telling her something like that without asking permission. “A year ago.”

“Oh.” Ashley’s brow knit as a small frown formed on her features. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Ashton didn’t say anything. He knew it was just a general statement of sympathy because Calum wasn’t here. A small silence fell between them, which left Ashton once again considering what exactly Saturday night had been. He knew it was way too soon to even be concerned about it, but Ashton didn’t like the limbo feeling. He liked to know exactly what was going on and what he ought to allow his heart to feel or not feel. These were all things he would never actually voice out loud to anyone, not yet at least, and especially not to Calum. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

“Are you worried he’s on the rebound?” Ashley asked, effectively bringing Ashton out of his own head.

“A little,” he admitted with a shrug. “It’s been a year, but it isn’t like they got a divorce like Brynn and I. She died, you know?”

“But he did kiss you, right?”

“ _I_ kissed him, but yeah...he kissed me back.”

Ashley smiled. “Then maybe you don’t have to worry about that. Just because he might be taking baby steps doesn’t mean he’s not interested in moving on.”

A non-committal sound left him as he considered her words. Ashton felt ridiculous for even being worried about it in the first place. He felt even more ridiculous for how often he reflected on that kiss, and how often he thought about the things he’d like to happen between them. Lying in bed at night and fantasizing about Calum made him feel like he was a horny sixteen year old boy again.

“We’ll see,” Ashton shrugged. “Like I said...don’t make a big deal out of this.”

“Not making a big deal out of this.” Ashley mock saluted. It brought a genuine laugh out of him.  


 

On Friday, Ashton got a text from Calum asking if he and Sophie would like to come over for dinner Saturday night. And if Sophie could stay the night. It was Ashton’s weekend with her so he didn’t see a problem with it and texted Calum back that they would love to. The rest of the conversation consisted of whether or not they had any food allergies, preferences or dislikes. Calum informed him later on that he wasn’t the greatest cook, that he was still learning, but he made a pretty good lasagna. Ashton couldn’t help but smile to himself as he texted back that lasagna sounded amazing, and they he hand Sophie would provide the garlic bread.

He spent the rest of the day in a haze of happiness, and when Luke asked him what was up, he only shook his head and told his friend it was nothing important.

Ashton reminded himself that this wasn’t a big deal. It was dinner between two friends, who had kissed in a parking lot. That was all. He couldn’t - and shouldn’t - expect anything from Calum when he had so recently uprooted his entire life to move back home. Ashley would tell him he was being ridiculous, that he shouldn’t overthink these things. But Ashton couldn’t help it. It was a flaw he had to overthink every situation and beat it to death. Sometimes, it became so overwhelming for him that Ashton let opportunities slip through his fingers. The part of him that wanted to know exactly what could come of this was at war with the part of him that was telling his brain to chill the fuck out.

  


Saturday morning was busy with dance class for Sophie’s upcoming recital, which she had been bugging him about for at least three days. Each family was given twelve tickets to pass out to their family members, which he’d had to split with Brynn. So far, he’d given four ticket to his mom, brother, sister and Ashley. It left him with two that he’d planned to give to Luke and Michael, but Sophie had pleaded with him to ask Sam and Calum instead. When Ashton had brought it up to Luke, his friend had been more than happy to forego the tickets. It almost made Ashton want to punch him. Almost.

The plan was to ask Calum and Sam tonight at dinner if they’d like to attend Sophie’s recital in two weeks and he felt nervous about it. Like maybe it was asking too much all at once. So far, they hadn’t been invited to any of Sam’s games. Ashton wasn’t upset about this, but he did wonder if it was too personal or too expecting to ask them to come to something like a recital for his child. Still, he would ask when Sophie wasn’t around just in case Calum said no. That way he could come up with an excuse that wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

Dinner was at six; Ashton and Sophie showed up at 5:30 with the garlic toast so he could help Calum with anything he might need.

When Calum opened the door to let them in, he was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a Guns ‘n Roses t-shirt, and he was barefoot. It was so casual, and yet Ashton felt like his breath had been taken away. Last week, Calum had looked amazing at the bar, but this casual comfort was even more attractive.

Shaking himself out of his stupor, Ashton smiled faintly. “Hey, sorry we’re a little early but we wanted to see if we could help.”

“No, it’s totally fine. I’m glad you’re here.” Calum returned the smile and stepped back so Ashton and Sophie could come into the house.

Not two seconds later, small footsteps could be heard through the house and Sam appeared. “Come on, Sophie. Dad said we could play Mario Kart for a little bit before dinner.”

“Did you ask Ashton if it was okay for Sophie to play?” Calum reminded her, a brow raised.

Sam seemed put off for half a second before she turned her face up to Ashton. “Can Sophie play Mario Kart with me? Please?”

“Yeah, sure. Go have fun.”

Ashton took Sophie’s backpack with her overnight essentials in it and watched as the two girls ran off to the living room to turn on the game console.

“Amazing how they seem to just know how to work those things, huh?” Calum asked, nudging Ashton gently.

Ashton laughed. “Sometimes Sophie shows me things about my phone I didn’t even know existed.”

Calum made a joke about kids being born with microchips that gave them a vast knowledge of technology, and Ashton shuddered before he laughed. One day, he didn’t think such things would be just mere fantasy.

Setting Sophie’s backpack down near the couch for her to find later, Ashton slipped out of his shoes then followed Calum into the kitchen with the plastic grocery bag that contained a box of 5-cheese garlic Texas toast. He handed it to Calum, who grinned at him.

“This is actually our favorite kind. Good thinking.”

A faint blush crept into Ashton’s cheek, which he really wished wouldn’t happen because it was fucking ridiculous. “Definitely a lucky guess. Where are your cookie sheets?”

“Drawer below the stove,” Calum answered, gesturing to the aforementioned appliance.

Ashton set the box down on the counter and opened the drawer to extricate one of the cookie sheets from drawer. Since the oven was already in use, he washed his hands before placing the garlic toast in two rows on the cookie sheet. It would take a little longer for the bread to bake with the lower temperature needed for the lasagna, which meant he’d have to keep a closer eye on it so it didn’t burn. Ashton slid the sheet onto the second rack and closed the oven.

When he straightened up and turned to Calum, he stopped short when he noticed the other man seemed tense all of a sudden. Something akin to dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Ashton was afraid to ask what Calum was thinking. But the awkward silence that was filling the space between them was almost unbearable.

“Are you okay?” he asked, hesitant.

“Hmm?” Calum looked up at him. “Oh yeah...I just...got lost in my own head for a minute. I’m good.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” Ashton blurted out before he could stop himself. What if he didn’t have the right to ask something like that? What if Calum thought he was being nosy? It was one thing to talk about it over text when you couldn't actually see someone, but to be faced with it was a whole different monster.

“There is something, actually.” Calum pushed himself off the counter where he’d been leaning and stepped forward, close enough to Ashton he could reach out and touch him. “It’s about last Saturday…”

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Ashton’s mind repeated the expletive as his heart tripped. This was the part where Calum told him he hadn’t appreciated being kissed after all, that he had made a mistake in returning it. Or that upon reflection he felt like the kiss hadn't been wonderful. Calum was about to tell him that it wasn’t going to happen again for whatever reason. This was about to be one of the single most embarrassing moments of his life, he was sure.

Ashton plastered a smile on his face, hoped it didn’t appear strained and said nothing at all. He was too afraid that if he opened his mouth, it would just be a word vomit of apologies and telling Calum what an idiot he was.

“It’s all I’ve been able to think about this past week.”

“O-oh…” Ashton blinked, surprised. That wasn’t at all what he had been expecting. And for a moment he didn’t know what to say. “Is that a good thing...or a bad thing?”

Calum laughed, the sound soft and warm. “A good thing.”

Before Ashton had the chance to reply, Calum’s hand looped around the back of his neck and pulled him forward. Their lips met for a second time and it sent a heat through Ashton from his chest down to his toes. His hands came to rest on Calum’s waist, drawing his body closer to his own. Ashton tilted his head slightly so he had a better angle to deepen the kiss. The tip of his tongue brushed along Calum’s bottom lip, asking silent permission. And when Calum’s lips parted, he moaned softly as their tongues met. The first stirring of arousal began in the pit of his stomach. His hands moved along Calum’s waist to the small of his back.

They broke apart only when they needed to breathe, but Ashton’s mouth didn’t stray far. He lips moved along the curve of Calum’s jaw and down the side of his neck. He could feel the other man swallow as he tilted his head, allowing Ashton more room. He was tempted to leave a mark on Calum, suck a bruise into his skin just because he could. Ashton reminded himself they weren’t teenagers. They were adults with careers and supervisors that would probably not appreciate either of them showing up to work with visible hickeys.

A soft moan slipped out of Calum as Ashton kissed the spot just below his ear. He grinned, knowing he’d found a sweet spot. He knew they should stop before one of the girls came running into the kitchen to find them like this, but it was hard to rein in the desire he had to kiss and taste every inch of Calum’s skin. It had been so long since he’d felt this kind of desire for someone.

The oven beeped, effectively breaking the mood. A soft laugh left him as he rested his forehead against Calum’s.

“Total cockblock,” Calum muttered.

“It was either going to be that or one of the girls,” he replied.

Leaning back, Ashton pressed a gentle kiss to Calum’s mouth before releasing him. Calum stepped around him, grabbing the oven mitts from the counter and opening the over.

A delicious scent of pasta sauce and melted cheese hit him full force, causing Ashton’s stomach to growl. He’d been so distracted by Calum he hadn’t realized he was hungry. Calum set the lasagna on the stove to cool, and the garlic toast followed.

“I’ll go get the girls,” said Ashton. It would be a good thing to put some space between the two of them. Just for a few moments so he could clear his head.

  


The lasagna was a hit with both Ashton and the girls. Calum had teased him a bit about not being so surprised he could cook at least one thing. Under the table, Ashton felt Calum’s foot rub against his shin which caused him to blush just a little. He still felt completely ridiculous any time that happened. Still, even a small gesture left Ashton wanting something more, and he was disappointed that he would have to leave that night. He didn’t want to overstay his welcome.

He offered to do the dishes, which Calum protested with a statement that he was a guest. But Ashton insisted because it was the least he could do when Calum had gone to the trouble of cooking for them. Besides, Calum had a dishwasher so it wasn’t a big job. The girls helped clean up the table, then ran off to the living room to pick out movies for all four of them to watch in the living room. Ashton had been hesitant to stay, stumbling over excuses as to why he should leave, but Calum insisted he stay as long as he liked.

Half an hour later, Ashton found himself on the couch with Calum, the girls between them, watching an array of Disney movies he’d seen a hundred times. At some point, his arm ended up stretched across the back of the couch, his fingers brushing against Calum’s behind Sophie’s and Sam’s heads. Ashton bit down on his lower lip, attempting to suppress the grin that threatened to take over. It was impossible to pay attention to the brightly colored movies playing on the flatscreen when Calum’s fingers, warm and softer than he’d expected, ghosted over the back of his hand.

The girls fell asleep by the time the credits of _Moana_ rolled. Quietly, they picked up their respective daughters and carried them up the stairs to Sam’s room. While Calum tucked Sam into her bed, Ashton tucked Sophie into her Rapunzel sleeping bag on the floor. They crept out of the room, careful not to wake them again, and Calum closed the door halfway. They didn’t speak again until they were downstairs.

Rocking back on his heels, Ashton slid his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. “I should probably go…”

“But do you really want to?” Calum asked.

Ashton saw surprise flash across Calum’s face, like he hadn’t expected to say such a thing. Now that it was out he didn’t try and back pedal. It sent a dark chill down Ashton’s spine. There were so many things that could happen if he didn’t leave.

He didn’t get a chance to answer, to tell Calum that no, he didn’t want to leave, before the other man approached him. Calum’s hands moved up along his biceps and over his shoulders to the back of his neck. Calum’s fingers played with the hair that lay against the back of his neck.

“Stay,” Calum murmured. It was soft, not so much a question but a gentle demand. Ashton felt his knees weaken.

“What if it’s a bad idea?” He couldn’t help but question it even if he wanted to kick himself.

“Then it’s a bad idea we’ll both have to live with.”

That was all the confirmation Ashton needed as his mouth crashed against Calum’s. It was a messy kiss, tongues and teeth clashing as his hands gripped Calum’s waist and pressed him against the nearest wall. Ashton remained gentle, having no desire to hurt the other man at all. He felt fingers in his hair, holding tightly to his dark curls as the kiss deepened. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was drowning in that kiss. Ashton would be totally okay with it as long as it felt this good the whole time.

He broke the kiss, gasping as he drew in a breath. Ashton looked at Calum, his chest tightening at the sight of kiss swollen lips and dilated eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so out of his mind with desire for someone. The last person had been Brynn, and he hadn’t felt this way about her in a long, long time.

Ashton’s lips trailed down the front of Calum’s throat, nipping softly at his Adam’s apple that brought a hiss of pleasure from the other man. He was growing hard in his jeans as he pressed his body against Calum’s, his mouth working hungrily at soft skin. Ashton wanted to devour him.

“Come upstairs,” Calum gasped as his body pressed back against Ashton’s.

Ashton hesitated, leaning back so he could look at the other man, searching his eyes for any sense of doubt. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m sure.”

He stepped back as Calum pushed against him and off the wall. A hand slid into his, lacing their fingers together. Ashton felt like he was in a dream, wading through the most exciting surrealism as Calum led him up the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

His bedroom door closed a little harder than he intended which caused him to wince. The last thing Calum wanted was to wake up either of the girls. He turned toward Ashton, leaning against the door for a moment to collect his nerve. Ashton was standing here in his room, looking positively gorgeous, and Calum felt like a teenager again. The excitement that coursed through him was something he had not felt in a long time. He had been so focused on everything other than relationships with other people that he hadn’t realized how much he had missed human interaction. A kiss, a touch, _desire_. He had put all of that on hold for so long he had grown accustomed to the idea of never feeling something for another person again. But Ashton was different. Calum couldn’t say how he was different, only that he felt it in his gut.

Ashton made him want to _feel_ something again.

Calum pushed himself off the door and moved forward to close the space between them. The tips of his fingers glided along Ashton’s forearms, up his biceps and over his shoulders until he was cupping the other man’s neck. Ashton was the same height as him so there was no concern about awkwardly bending to kiss him and becoming uncomfortable. Calum pressed his lips to Ashton’s gently, the kiss much sweeter than the last two had been. Both of them had been in the heat of the moment, but right now there was no reason to rush. Their kids were asleep, and it was still relatively early. They could take their time. Calum wanted to enjoy the taste of Ashton, the press of warm skin against his own. God, it had been so long since he’d had sex with someone. So long since he’d even wanted to. Calum felt a little out of practice, even a little awkward as his teeth scraped at Ashton’s bottom lip before he sucked on it softly.

Hands slid along his hips and around to the small of his back. Ashton had big hands. Long fingers that Calum had (admittedly) thought could be a very good thing. Ashton’s fingers tightened around the material of his shirt as Calum dipped his tongue into his mouth, deepening their kiss. A moment later he released the shirt in favor of sliding his hands up the back of it, resting warm hands against Calum’s skin. It pulled a soft moan out of him that he felt reverberate through Ashton. He slid his hands to the back of Ashton’s neck, his fingers sliding through the hair that lay against the back of his neck, marveling at how soft it was.

Calum broke the kiss when he needed to breathe, but he pressed his forehead against Ashton’s and closed his eyes. He smiled faintly as he bit down on his lower lip, still tingling from kissing the other man. Excitement welled up inside of him. He didn’t have it in him to feel ashamed of it.

Ashton’s hands slid further up his back beneath the shirt, and he laughed softly. Leaning back, Calum reached behind his head and grabbed hold of his shirt, tugging it over his head. He let it fall to the floor.

“Since you seemed to be hesitating,” he smirked.

“I was just trying to be a gentleman.”

“Well, don’t be.”

The sound of Ashton’s laugh was like honey sliding over his skin. Calum plucked at the front of his shirt before removing it, leaving them both in the same state of undress. He let his eyes wander down Ashton’s body, taking in the curve of his shoulders and the broadness of his chest as it narrowed down into a slim waist.

As he reached forward to the buckle of Ashton’s belt, Calum pressed his lips to the curve of Ashton’s jaw. He closed his eyes as he pressed small kisses along it, to his chin, then retraced the path until he stopped just below Ashton’s ear. He smiled when he heard the other man suck in a sharp breath. Then he tilted his head to the side, encouraging Calum to continue. He was happy to oblige as the tip of his tongue ran along the vein. He entertained the idea of leaving a mark, but decided against it for now. At least until he could get to a spot that could be covered with clothing.

Calum’s hands worked at the belt buckle until it came loose. But just as he was about to undo the button of Ashton’s jeans, gentle hands took hold of his wrists to stop him.

He looked up at Ashton with a knit brow, wondering if he had done something wrong. The question in his eyes must have been clear because Ashton smiled gently at him.

“You first,” he murmured.

“Okay.”

He wasn’t sure exactly what Ashton meant at first. But then Ashton took hold of his waist, turned them around, and guiding Calum back toward his bed. His heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest as the back of his knees met the mattress. He didn’t mind that Ashton wanted to be in control of the situation. Not at all. It was exciting to not know exactly what to expect. A little nerve wracking as well. Not that it was so uncommon to be nervous the first time you slept with someone, especially when you didn’t know what your chemistry was going to be like. He was going to try not to let his year long dry spell concern him.

He very clearly wanted this if the way his jeans tightened was any indication.

Calum moved onto the bed and scooted back as Ashton followed. He lay back against the pillows, his hands cupping Ashton’s face and drawing him into another kiss. It was deeper now as heat flooded through him. He was already hard enough that the jeans were becoming uncomfortable. Calum had to fight the urge to squirm beneath the other man.

Ashton seemed to sense his discomfort and broke the kiss, laughing softly. “Be patient.”

The way he whispered the words against the front of Calum’s throat sent a dark chill down his spine.

His fingers moved through Ashton’s hair as his mouth moved to the hollow of his throat, and then along the left side of his collar. Calum’s eyes fluttered closed as Ashton’s mouth moved down along his sternum next, stopping in the center of his chest. For a long moment, Ashton didn’t move from that spot and Calum’s eyes opened. He looked down at the other man - his new lover - and blinked in confusion. He caught the faintest hint of a grin before Ashton’s teeth closed around his right nipple and tugged it. Calum gasped, his back arching as pleasure shot through his body. He groaned, a curse falling from his lips as Ashton let his nipple go only to run his tongue over the peaked flesh in an attempt to soothe it.

“You’re sensitive,” he chuckled.

“Isn’t everyone in that spot,” Calum retorted.

“You’d be surprised.”

Calum suppressed the urge to ask Ashton how he knew that. This wasn’t the time to talk about their past relations because it’d be a massive buzzkill.

Ashton pressed a ghost of a kiss to the spot on his chest, just over his heart, before he traveled to Calum’s left nipple with the tip of his tongue. It brought a soft moan from him, and his fingers tightened in Ashton’s hair.

“You’re a tease.”

“Does it bother you?”

Calum shook his head. “No.”

Ashton only grinned in reply before he dipped his head and traced his tongue down the rest of Calum’s sternum and over his belly.

He let his head fall back against the pillows for a moment, swallowing as he shivered beneath the heat of Ashton’s mouth and his tongue. His eyes fixed on the ceiling for a moment as he felt his lover trace a circle around his navel. At the same time, Ashton’s hands were tugging at the buckle of his own belt. It came loose and deft fingers opened the button of his jeans and took down the zipper. He couldn’t keep his eyes on the ceiling anymore. He wanted to see what Ashton was doing, wanted to watch as the pleasure coursed through him.

Calum propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes darker than usual from being dilated. His tongue ran along his lower lip, which had become dry. Another shiver moved through him as Ashton’s fingers curled into the waistband of his jeans and tugged them down, catching his boxer briefs as he went. He moaned softly as his cock sprang free, already leaking. If he hadn’t been blushing before, he certainly was now. What if Ashton thought he was overeager? That wasn’t at all attractive.

He stopped worrying about it as soon as he felt lips against the jut of his left hip bone, teeth scraping over the flesh. Calum’s body jerked slightly as Ashton kissed along his pelvis and to his right hip. He kicked the jeans off the rest of the way and felt a certain vulnerability wash over him. He realized he didn’t actually _mind_ that feeling either.

Ashton was putting his mouth everywhere other than where Calum’s body really wanted him to. An impatient groan left him as he felt his lover blow gently on the tip of his cock. He was too far out of reach for Calum to touch so instead he gripped at the sheets, his fingers itching to wrap around himself even if just for a minimal amount of relief.

Calum worried at the inside of his cheek as Ashton shifted on the bed, sitting back on his heels between his legs. Ashton’s eyes - a bright hazel - looked much darker at the moment as they roamed the length of Calum’s body. He flushed under the other man’s gaze, feeling like he was on display. Someone hadn’t looked at him like that in a long, long time.

“You’re really beautiful,” Ashton whispered softly as his fingertips moved along the outside of Calum’s thighs. “Perfect, actually.”

A surprised laugh came out of him. “Perfect? No one’s perfect, Ashton.”

“Objectively speaking,” said Ashton, “but subjectively...yeah...you’re perfect.”

Calum sat up and slid an arm around Ashton’s neck, pulling him down and into a kiss. He kissed him deeply, tongue slipping past his lips to slide against Ashton’s. He hadn’t wanted someone so badly in so long. He keened softly into that kiss, the scrape of denim against his erection causing his hips to jerk, seeking that friction again. Ashton’s hands were all over him, sliding down his sides and along the outside of his thighs. There was just enough room for them to graze along his stomach and chest before he broke the kiss, panting softly.

There was a question in his eyes though Ashton seemed hesitant to ask it. Calum canted his head to the side, raising a brow at him, silently urging Ashton to say what he was thinking.

“It’s nothing. I just...have you ever…,” he gestured between the two of them, “with another guy.”

The question didn’t surprise Calum as much as he thought it would. He nodded slowly.

“A long time ago. When I first started college. Is that...does that bother you?”

“No,” Ashton replied quickly. “No, of course not. It’s been about that long for me too. Longer, actually. Not since high school.”

“Guess we’re both a little rusty in the practice then.”

Ashton laughed softly, and pressed another kiss to Calum’s mouth.

“I want this if you do.”

“I want this.”

Calum did. He really, really wanted this right now. He caught Ashton’s bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a gentle tug. The space between them enough that he could reach down to finish was he started with Ashton’s jeans. He pulled the button open and slid down the zipper. He didn’t hesitate to push the jeans and underwear down Ashton’s hips until both of them were naked. Calum’s eyes lowered automatically as Ashton’s cock was freed, and he groaned softly at the sight of him. It was hard not to touch him, not to wrap his hand around him and jerk him off until he came. But Calum didn’t want it to be over so quickly so he forced himself to find what modicum of patience he could.

It didn’t stop him from raising his hips off the bed, however, grinding against his lover so his dick slid along Ashton’s. It pulled a moan from the other man that made Calum positively giddy with excitement.

“There’s lube in the drawer,” said Calum, gesturing to the nightstand next to his bed.

Ashton nodded, and shifted away so he could rifle through it. It only took him a few seconds before he found the bottle, and a condom as well. Calum smiled faintly, appreciating that Ashton had thought about it. It saved him from having to awkwardly ask to use one. As sure as he was that Ashton would tell him if there was any risk, one could never be too careful. It went both ways.

For now, Ashton set the condom down within reach and popped the cap on the bottle. Calum watched, anticipation clawing at his insides, as Ashton poured some of the lube onto his pelvis. He shivered from the sudden chill of the substance against his heated skin.

“Jerk,” he hissed playfully.

Ashton only laughed as he squeezed another dime size amount into the palm of his hand. He capped the bottle and tossed it aside.

“Are you really, really sure this is what you want?” he asked. “We can do it the other way...or not at all. It’s not too late to change your mind. Whatever you want. You can say stop at any time and I will. I promise.”

“Ashton.” Calum’s voice was firm as he reached up for him. His hand curled around the back of his neck and drew him down, close to his lip as though he were going to kiss him. He didn’t. Instead, he whispered softly. “Shut up and fuck me.”

That was all the encouragement Ashton needed. His mouth crashed into Calum’s, kissing him so deeply that when it was broken his lips felt almost bruised. His fingers moved into Ashton’s hair for the hundredth time, tightening around the locks as he kissed him again, groaning into his lover’s mouth. He wanted Ashton in any and every way imaginable. He ignored the small voice in the back of his mind that was urging him to slow down, to not jump headfirst into a situation he wasn’t ready for. But it was easy to ignore when the rest of his brain was clouded in lust.

Ashton broke the kiss again, his mouth traveling down the front of his throat, chest and stomach. All the places he’d already explored yet it was just as pleasurable. Ashton positioned himself between his knees, spreading his thighs further apart to give him the room he needed. Calum sucked his lip between his teeth as gentle fingertips ran along the length of his cock. It drew a faint moan from him, and he rolled his hips into the touch.

“Please,” he whimpered softly. “Ash, I need-”

Calum didn’t get to finish his sentence because suddenly Ashton’s mouth was on his cock, his tongue rolling over the head of it and lapping at the pre-come. He cried out, half in surprise and half in pleasure. The wet heat of Ashton’s mouth taking him him slowly, then drawing back was one of the hottest things Calum had ever seen. One hand fisted in the sheets beside him while the other moved to brush the hair off of his lover’s forehead. A soft curse fell from his lips as Ashton’s cheeks hollowed, tightening around his erection before Ashton released him with a faintly obscene _pop_.

He sucked in a deep breath as Ashton’s hand slipped between his legs, one finger lightly tracing the muscle around his hole. Ashton looked up at him, asking silent permission to go forward which Calum gave him once again. He released that breath slowly as Ashton teased his entrance, his finger slick from the lube. Calum tilted his head back, eyes closing as he forced himself to relax. He spread his legs a little further in encouragement.

Calum winced from the initial discomfort as Ashton slowly slid his finger inside of him, body tensing around the intrusion before he reminded himself to relax. He wanted this. He wanted it to be good for both of them.

“Are you okay?” Ashton asked, placing a soft kiss to his hip.

It made Calum’s heart trip.

“I’m okay. Just...go slow…”

Though Ashton was already going slowly, which he appreciated. A low groan left him as he felt Ashton’s tongue run over the vein from the base of his cock to the tip. It helped distract him from the discomfort as he slid his finger further into Calum, stretching him open. Ashton worked him open until he could slide a second finger into him. Soft moans fell from his lips as he rolled his hips, wanting so much more of Ashton than he was getting. He wanted Ashton closer so he could kiss him while they fucked. He wanted to wrap his legs around his lover’s waist as they came together. It felt more intimate than it should. Calum _wanted_ it to be more intimate than a casual fuck. But he was also afraid of what that could mean for him - for them.

Finally, Ashton worked him open enough to add a third finger and Calum grit his teeth against the sting of it. It didn’t last long, and soon he found himself rutting against Ashton’s fingers, fucking himself on them. He knew he’d been right about how long Ashton’s fingers were when Ashton brushed against the sweet spot inside of him, causing him to gasp sharply. If he kept doing that, Calum was going to come before they even really got started.

“Ashton, wait...I...fuck…” He couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

Calum's breath was coming in quick pants as he attempted to get his thoughts in order, to tell Ashton that he wanted the other man inside of him. But he didn’t have to. Ashton’s fingers slipped out of him and he crawled back up the length of Calum’s body to kiss him sweetly. It was a little overwhelming how Ashton seemed to be able to read his body, to know just what he wanted and when. He felt intoxicated. And it was the best thing he’d felt in ages.

Blindly, he felt along the bed until he found the condom Ashton had set aside earlier. The kiss broke and he showed it to Ashton before pushing him back playfully so he could sit up. Ashton knelt between his thighs, watching as Calum tore open the foil package and slipped the rubber from it. He bit down on his lower lip in concentration as he pinched the tip of the condom, then rolled the rest of it down the length of Ashton’s cock. Calum smiled at the hitch of breath from his lover.

Taking advantage of the position, Calum leaned forward and pressed a series of kisses to the front of Ashton’s throat and along his collar. The moan that left him sent a shiver through Calum, and he scraped his teeth along the jut of bone before leaning back.

“I’m ready,” he murmured softly.

Ashton nodded, kissing him as he pressed Calum back against the bed. Ashton grabbed one of the extra pillows at the top of the bed and tapped his hip, encouraging him to lift them so Ashton could slide it beneath him, elevating his hips slightly to make it a little easier. Then he swiped his fingers through the lube that had been left on Calum’s pelvis, and applied it to the condom. Just in case.

Calum reminded himself to breathe as Ashton positioned himself once more between his legs, slid a hand along his thigh while the other gripped the base of his cock. Dark eyes never strayed from Ashton’s as the head of his cock pressed to his hole. And slowly, so slowly it almost drove him mad, Ashton slid into him. Calum groaned softly, his hands reaching up for Ashton, pulling him down into a heated kiss. It broke when Ashton bottomed out, buried inside of him. He pressed his forehead to Ashton’s, their breathing heavy and eyes closed as he was given time to adjust to the other man being inside of him.

“You feel so good,” Ashton whispered. “Cal…”

Calum kissed his chin softly. He wanted Ashton to move, to fuck him until he was spent and exhausted. He rolled his hips, moaning softly as he tangled his fingers into Ashton’s hair. It was enough because then Ashton was pulling back, leaving only the head of his cock inside of Calum for a few seconds, then thrust back into him. Calum cried out as Ashton did it a second time, then a third. They fell into a rhythm, and his hips raised from the bed to meet each of his lover’s thrusts. He tried to remember to keep the pleasured sounds falling from his lips at a decent volume, but the deeper Ashton fucked him, the harder it became.

Calum’s hands slid out of his lover’s hair, slid down to grip his shoulder blades. Blunt nails dug into Ashton’s skin, his legs wrapping around Ashton’s body as they moved together as one. He kissed Ashton’s mouth, his jaw, the side of his neck. Whatever part of his lover he could reach even though his concentration was so often broken from the pleasure building from deep inside his belly.

And then Ashton angled his hips, the tip of his erection brushing against that spot inside of Calum that caused his back to arch and his body to grow taut.

“Ash...I’m...fuck...I’m gonna come,” he whimpered. “Come with me. Please…”

He could barely think enough to form that sentence, and he swore he heard Ashton laugh softly. But then he touched that spot again, and it sent Calum over the edge. He cried out shamelessly as he came, hot, white stripes of his release painting both of their stomachs. Calum’s whole body convulsed as the pleasure crashed through him like a tidal wave, and he clung to Ashton like he was worried the other man would slip away from him if he didn’t hold on tight enough. Ashton’s own pleasure wracked his body, and the beautiful sounds that came from him left Calum an utter mess beneath him.

Falling back against the bed as the pleasure began to wane, Calum’s body trembled faintly. A light layer of sweat had formed over his skin. His eyes were closed, breathing heavy and skin flushed. Ashton fell against him, pressed together skin to skin. He was still inside of Calum. He slipped his arms around his lover and nuzzled into the side of his neck as his fingers played with the damp hair that lay against the back of his neck.

For a long time, Calum didn’t say anything. He simply enjoyed the feeling of having Ashton so close, of the man still inside of him. He liked playing with his hair and pressing soft kisses to the side of his neck and just below his ear. He didn’t know what this was, or what it was going to be. They hadn’t exactly talked about it. But this hadn’t exactly been planned either. Calum didn’t regret being so impulsive. Not as he lay there wrapped up in someone, and realizing how much he’d missed human companionship. How much he’d missed intimacy. Calum didn’t want it to end.

“Stay with me tonight?” he whispered against Ashton’s shoulder. “Don’t leave.”

Ashton propped himself up on his elbow then, looking down at Calum with a soft expression. Something about the look in Ashton’s eyes made him shiver faintly.

“You sure you want me to stay?”

“Yes. I really do.”

Calum cupped his lover’s cheek gently and kissed him softly. The kiss was slow, almost lazy, as his tongue slipped past Ashton’s lips. The taste of him was something he wasn’t going to forget about any time soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Ashton woke just as the first rays of sunlight were coming through the blinds. Not because it woke him, but because he really, really had to pee. He groaned, not wanting to get up because it meant extricating himself from Calum. But his body was persistent and Ashton slid out of the bed as gently as he could so as not to wake the other man. He thought about locating his boxers, decided against it, and padded across the room, into the bathroom. He washed his hands after relieving himself and slipped back into the bedroom, into the bed, and pressed himself against Calum’s back. Ashton propped himself on his elbow, looking down at his lover with a soft expression. Calum slept like the dead.

Gentle fingertips moved up and down the length of his bicep. He pressed a kiss to Calum’s shoulder before lying down against the pillows. He tried not to let last night’s memories wash over him, knowing it would only bring on another erection. It was difficult when Calum was lying next to him, still naked and breathing softly. Ashton smiled faintly. Last night had been one of the best he’d had in a long, long time.

His lips pressed a second kiss to his lover’s shoulder before they trailed to his neck. Calum stirred, mumbled a protest and settled again. Ashton laughed softly, his teeth nipping at his ear playfully.

“I know you’re awake,” he murmured against his ear. “The girls aren’t awake yet.”

“Are you being suggestive?” Calum asked, his voice rough from sleep.

“Maybe.”

A soft laugh left the other man and he turned over to lie on his back. Ashton shifted with him so as not to crowd him too much. Calum looked beautiful despite having just woken up. His hair was messy, his eyes still sleepy. It made him smile.

“What time is it?”

“A little after seven,” Ashton answered.

“Sam will be up soon. She’s always been an early riser.”

“So is Sophie.”

“I haven’t brushed my teeth.”

Ashton laughed. “Are you making excuses?”

“What? No.” Calum blushed, squirming faintly beneath him. “I just don’t want one of the girls to come running in here and seeing anything they’re not supposed to.”

Ashton completely understood that. He nodded, but then dipped his head so he could press a line of kisses down the front of Calum’s throat. He felt his lover shiver beneath him, and he smiled against his skin. Any protests Calum had seemed to have fallen to the wayside as Ashton continued to kiss along his collar bone, then down the center of his chest, his stomach, sliding beneath the blanket as he traced over Calum’s pelvis. Ashton grinned to find Calum was hard, his cock stiff and ready. He had just flicked his tongue over the head of it, eliciting a soft whine from his lover when the sound of little feet running past the door had him jerking away.

He flopped to the side with a groan. “Dammit.”

Why couldn’t the girls have slept in just this once?

With a sigh, Ashton scooted back up the bed and turned on his side just as Calum did the same to face him.

“Told ya.”

He stuck his tongue childishly. “So should I sneak out the window or…”

Calum shoved him, bringing a laugh out of Ashton. “Yeah, because we’re not the parents or anything. We should totally sneak around our six year old daughters. Sounds like an awesome plan.”

“Hey, I’m just saying. It’s an option.” Ashton held up a hand defensively. “Maybe if I can sneak downstairs I can pretend I just got here.”

“Good luck with that.”

He was going to give it a try. Ashton slipped out of the bed and grabbed his underwear and jeans from the floor to put them on. Next, he found his shirt and put that on as well. Socks and shoes were next and he padded toward the bedroom door. Behind him, he could hear Calum snort a laugh as he opened it slightly and looked both ways down the hall. The coast was clear. He tossed a triumphant look back at Calum before slipping out of the door and toward the stairs.

A door on his left opened and Ashton froze, his breath hitching as Sam came out of the bathroom. She spotted him and her brow knit, eyes narrowing slightly. It was astonishing how the scrutiny of a six year old made him uncomfortable.

“Hey, Sam. Good morning,” he greeted, smiling nervously.

“Good morning…” Her eyes moved past Ashton to her father’s opened bedroom door. “Did you have a sleepover with daddy?”

 _Busted_ , he thought. They were so busted. Suddenly Ashton couldn’t think of an excuse for why he was coming out of Calum’s room so early. It made his heart squeeze a little bit at how innocent the question was when the night before had been anything but. He felt like such an idiot standing in front of this child, fumbling for a reason that he really didn’t need. Ashton didn’t want Sam to be upset about the fact he’d stayed the night with her dad. He wasn’t sure if Sam would even think anything of it. It was paranoia setting in.

“Sam.” Calum’s voice behind him was a relief. “Is Sophie up as well?”

“She’s in the living room downstairs.”

“Okay, why don’t you go get her and head into the kitchen. We’ll make pancakes for breakfast.”

Sam let out a _whoop_ of excitement and dashed down the stairs. Ashton groaned faintly, rubbing a hand down his face as Calum bumped him with a shoulder.

“Did you really just get interrogated by a six year old?” he laughed.

Ashton made a face. “Look, they can be scary, okay? Their little faces, acting all cute and innocent. I’d rather face a mob boss.”

Calum shook his head as he walked past him, looking positively delicious in a pair of sweats and a black tank top. They were going to have to have another grown up sleepover one night when the girls weren’t home.

 

***

 

Monday came, dismal as usual, and Ashton rushed through their morning routine because he had woken up late. It was all Calum’s fault. They had spent most of the night texting each other like sixteen year olds, and every time he had tried to put his phone down he found himself checking it again to find a new message. It resulted in Ashton hitting the snooze button one too many times on his phone and waking up with twenty minutes to get ready and out of the house. Breakfast for Sophie was a cherry Pop-Tart in the car, which she was more than thrilled with.

Ashton had just pulled out of the school when his phone vibrated in the mount on his dashboard. It was from Calum. He smiled, letting the screen go dark because he couldn’t answer it and waited until he was parked outside of the high school to check it. Calum wanted to know if he could bring Ashton lunch, then asked if that was too much too soon. He laughed softly, shaking his head and shot back a message about how lunch was far less forward than having sex so he thought it would be fine.

The rest of the morning seemed to pass by much too slowly for Ashton. When he wasn’t in an appointment with a student, he was busying himself with paperwork, hoping it would speed up the time. It didn’t. He also stuck close to his office, narrowly avoiding Luke because he didn’t want to be grilled as to why he couldn’t keep the damn smile off his face. Ashton had never been the type to kiss and tell. And he certainly wasn’t going to offer up the information they’d slept together over the weekend. He respected Calum more than to gossip about it.

Just a few minutes before noon, there was a knock on his door and Ashton called for them to come in. He closed the file he had been working on and pushed it aside, turning a bright smile onto Calum as he closed the door behind him. He held a plastic bag in one hand and a drink carrier with coffee in the other.

“Hey,” said Ashton. He stood from his chair and approached Calum to take the drink carrier from him and set it down.

“Hey yourself,” Calum smiled. “Luke said you like coffee and how you like it so...I brought you some. I brought sandwiches as well from a deli not too far from here but...I didn’t know what kind you liked so there’s a few options. Guess I could have just texted you, huh?”

Ashton laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I like being spontaneous at times.”

“So I found out this past weekend.”

He couldn’t help the blush that crawled up his neck and into his cheeks. Calum smiled at him before they sat down on one side of Ashton’s desk. He cleared the space, wiped it down with a Clorox wipe, and they spread the assortment of sandwiches on the desk.

“You choose first,” Ashton insisted.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course. You bought them.”

They had a choice of turkey, ham, roast beef and a cuban. Calum chose the cuban and he chose the turkey. He asked if it was okay that he kept one to give to Luke, just in case their friend hadn’t eaten by that time they were done, and set one aside when Calum said it was fine. Suddenly, Ashton felt a little guilty for not inviting Luke to join them, but then he realized that he was just a tad bit selfish and wanted to keep Calum all to himself for the moment.

They spent the next half an hour talking about their work, how slow the morning had gone, and Ashton remembered to ask Calum if he and Sam could come to Sophie’s dance recital. Calum accepted the invitation happily. He knew Sophie would be thrilled when he told her. They finished the sandwiches and cleaned up the mess. There were few minutes left before Ashton’s lunch break was over and he hoped it passed by just as slowly as his morning had.

“I should probably get going,” Calum said a few minutes later. “It’s about a fifteen minute drive back to the clinic.”

Ashton stood at the same time he did, reaching out to catch his wrist and keep him from leaving so soon. “Stay. Just a few more minutes?”

“Ash, I really shouldn’t…” He didn’t finish his sentence before he shrugged and kissed Ashton.

It was with the same kind of hunger and need as the first time they had kissed, and the second time. All consuming and heated. Ashton’s hands immediately cupped Calum’s face to hold him into that kiss as he deepened it. He dipped his tongue into the other man’s mouth, moaning at the taste of him.

Ashton’s hands slid over Calum’s hips, along the small of his back, then to his ass. He gripped it tightly as he stepped forward, guiding his lover back toward his desk. They didn’t really have time for anything, nor did Ashton keep condoms or lube in his desk. But even if he could just suck Calum off before he left it would be satisfying.

The desk was behind them then. He crowded Calum against the edge, pushing away papers, binders and pens so they were not in the way. Ashton broke the kiss and sucked in a sharp breath before he dipped his head to kiss the front of his lover’s throat. His heart raced wildly as Calum moaned softly, tilting his head back invitingly.

“I’m gonna be late...fuck…” Calum keened softly.

“Do you really want me to stop?” he asked as his hand slid between Calum’s legs, cupping his cock through his pants. “I will.”

Calum sucked in a sharp breath. “No. I don’t want you to stop.”

Ashton grinned, then ran the tip of his tongue over the other man’s Adam’s apple. “Let me blow you before you leave. I want to so bad.”

“Okay. Yes. I want you to.”

That was all the permission Ashton needed. Deft hands worked Calum’s belt open, then the button of his pants and the zipper. He tugged at the pants to slide them down only enough so Calum’s cock sprung free, stiff and leaking. He shivered at the sight of it, worried at the inside of his cheek with his teeth as he wrapped a hand around Calum’s erection. He squeezed gently, causing his lover’s breath to hitch. It made him grin.

Leaning into Calum, he kissed along his jaw toward his ear and whispered, “You’re so sexy, Cal. I want you all the time.”

He wasn’t ashamed of his desire for Calum. Ashton didn’t care if it was moving too fast or if he was being reckless. He wanted to lose himself in the man on his desk, hot and hard in his hand.

“Ash, please…” Calum whimpered softly.

Ashton needed no further assurance that this is what Calum wanted. He dropped to his knees before his lover, eyes on his face as he ran his tongue flat against the underside of Calum’s dick, tracing the vein. He reached the head, the tip of his tongue sliding along the slit. He enjoyed the velvet softness of it, the tang of Calum’s pre-come. His eyes fluttered closed for just a moment as he took the head of Calum’s cock into his mouth. His hands slid along what was exposed of his thighs and stopped at his hips. Slowly, Ashton took his lover into his mouth inch by inch, until he could feel the tip nudge the back of his throat. He kept his throat relaxed so he didn’t gag. It had been a long time since he had done this. Maybe he was pushing the limits, but he didn’t care.

When he didn’t choke, he was grateful to be spared the embarrassment. Satisfied, he tightened his lips around Calum, hollowed his cheeks and pulled back along his erection. The moan that came out of his lover sent heat flooding through his stomach, his own erection pulsing impatiently. Ashton considering jerking himself off while he took care of Calum, but he didn’t want to create a mess. He would have to talk himself down later.

Fingers moved into his hair, tightening around curled locks as his head bobbed along Calum's length. Each breathy moan that left his lover encouraged him. His hands slid from Calum’s hips to his ass, blunt finger nails digging into the skin. He felt Calum’s dick twitch against his tongue, indicating it wouldn’t be much longer before he came.

“Fuck,” Calum keened, “I’m coming.”

If that was meant to be a warning, Ashton didn’t intend to heed it. His mouth tightened on his lover, jaw aching slightly as he worked. It was worth it when he felt Calum’s whole body shudder beneath him as he came down his throat. Ashton groaned faintly, eyes sliding closed as he took as much of Calum’s release as he could before he was forced to let go with a faintly obscene _pop_.

Ashton sat back on his heels and looked up at his lover. Calum’s eyes were hooded, his lips swollen from kissing earlier and his cheeks were flushed. Despite all of that he looked relaxed, like he could melt into the floor at any moment. Calum reached forward and brushed hair off of Ashton’s forehead, which made him smile.

Drawing in a breath, he leaned forward and ran his tongue over Calum’s softening cock, cleaning up any remnants of his come. Then he pressed a kiss to his right hip before getting up from the floor. He cupped Calum’s face between his hands and kissed him, gently at first, then deeper. Ashton’s tongue parted his lips so Calum could taste his own release on his tongue. Calum echoed his moan.

The kiss was broken a moment later, and Calum leaned into him, burying his face against Ashton’s neck. Arms slid around his waist and he smiled as his hands moved up and down Calum’s back soothingly.

“I want to see you again soon,” Calum murmured against his shoulder.

“Sophie’s with Brynn for the next couple days. I can come over tonight.”

“Please.”

Ashton smiled and drew back so he could kiss the other man once more. “I’ll come over after Sam’s in bed.”

Calum nodded. “I have to go.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

He backed away from his lover then, watched as Calum situated himself, then closed the door behind him once he left. Ashton leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He counted backwards from one hundred, and by the time he was done his hard on was gone.

 


	9. Chapter 9

“So is the sex really good?” Michael asked casually.

Calum blinked at his friend, shock bringing him back to reality and the task at hand. A week ago, Michael had asked him if he could help him rescreen the lanai which he had agreed to. Ashton had plans with Sophie that day, and Mali had come to take Sam on a niece-aunt date to the beach. Michael’s mother had come to take Lyric for the day, and Luke was popping in intermittently to help between lesson planning and house cleaning. They had been working for several hours already and the conversation had been casual. At some point, Calum’s mind must have drifted enough that Michael noticed. Hence the question for shock value.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“Oh please,” Michael rolled his eyes. “You heard me.”

Calum grunted a response as he affixed his portion of the screen to the metal frame. “I’m not going to deign to answer that.” He glanced at Michael sidelong, and he could tell his friend was about to burst.

“Oh come on! Give me something, Cal. I know you two have been at it for weeks because you’re whole demeanor has changed.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Calum’s brow furrowed, and he stopped what he was doing to turn to face Michael. “I haven’t changed.”

Michael sighed. “Yes, you have.” He glanced toward the door to make sure no one was listening in before he continued. “You’ve been happier. Like you feel less heavy about the world.”

He looked at MIchael incredulously. Calum didn’t feel like he had changed at all in the weeks he had been seeing Ashton. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t spending so much time alone at home anymore. And they had been taking the girls to do things as a foursome. The girls had been positively gleeful about the dance recital, and Calum hadn’t realized until then how talented Sophie was. Subconsciously, he had been thinking less and less about his own guilt over Ally. In fact, he hadn’t been consciously thinking about her at all.

But now that Michael had brought it up, Calum wondered if he was a terrible person for allowing Ally to slip from his daily thoughts.

He looked away from his friend, and continued with the screen just so his hands had something to do. He didn’t know what to say, or even how to feel. Calum worried at his bottom lip as he tried to sort through his sudden confusion.

“It isn’t a bad thing,” said Michael. “This Calum...this is the Calum I remember, and I’ve missed him.”

A small smile flickered over his lips. “You don’t think I’m a terrible person for getting involved with Ashton? So soon after Ally died?”

Michael shook his head. “It’s been over a year, Cal. You deserve to find happiness again. You’re way too young to pack it in now and spend the rest of your life alone. If you like him, if he makes you happy then what’s the problem?”

Calum didn’t reply. He had nothing. No good reason that he ought to distance himself from Ashton. When he was with Ashton, he didn’t feel numb anymore. He felt alive again. For once since Ally died, Calum felt like maybe he was going to be okay. The permanent gray cloud that had followed him around since was easing up.

“You’re right,” he said. “It’s been...nice…”

“That’s my dude,” Michael punched him playfully in the arm. “So is the sex good?”

“Oh my God, Michael!”

“Just answer the question!”

Calum couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, the sex is amazing.”

 

*          *          *

 

Sophie went running out of the house as soon as Brynn pulled into the driveway, barely letting her mother get out of the vehicle before she was chattering away about this, that or the other. Ashton followed behind his daughter, hands in his pockets as he watched the two of them converse. It was Wednesday, and Brynn had called him earlier that day to ask if she could take Sophie for an extra night even though it was technically his week. She had sounded upset, and Ashton didn’t have the heart to tell her no. Even now, as he watched her meet Sophie’s every word with enthusiasm, he could tell something was off.

He asked Sophie to go inside and get her bag, and to give him and her mom a minute to talk. When she went inside, he turned to Brynn and eyed her. “You alright?”

She sniffed. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seemed upset on the phone. You seem upset now. Is something going on?”

Brynn hesitated for a moment, fiddling with her car keys. It was a nervous habit that Ashton knew all too well. “Darren and I broke up last night.”

“Oh.”

It was the only thing he could think to say, and a sudden awkwardness filled the space between them. Ashton rocked back on his heels, and looked to the ground as he searched for something comforting to tell her. It shouldn’t have been so hard considering his profession, but this was Brynn. A woman he had been married to for years, whom he’d only been divorced from for a matter of months. And she had seemingly moved on quicker than he had. No sooner had she and Ashton separated that she had moved her new boyfriend in with her. It had bothered him not because he was jealous, but because he had worried it would confuse Sophie. For the most part, his concerns had been unfounded. And while Ashton wouldn’t go as far as to say he liked the guy, they had been cordial enough.

“I’m sorry about that, Brynn.” He hesitated before drawing her into a hug. It didn’t matter that they were divorced, Brynn was still Sophie’s mother so Ashton cared about her. “What happened?”

“I’m not sure. I guess it was too much, too fast. Maybe I wasn’t as ready to move on as I thought as I was.” She sighed into his shoulder, and Ashton stiffened.

He said nothing and leaned back from the hug as Sophie came out of the house. He didn’t want to overthink her words, but once they might have caused his stomach to swoop with hope that their family could remain whole. Now it just made his heart clench, and Calum’s name floated through his mind.

“I’m ready, Mommy.” Sophie beamed up at her mother.

“Hey, I have an idea,” said Brynn. “Why don’t we all go get dinner together? Just the three of us for old time’s sake.”

Immediately, Ashton wanted to say no because he wasn’t sure it was a good idea. The three of them had not been out together in a long time. Once again, he found himself trying not to overthink what Brynn was doing. It was just dinner. It wouldn’t be anywhere fancy. In fact, Sophie was already asking if they could go to Chic-Fil-A because she liked the indoor playground (and it was the only one they trusted was actually cleaned properly).

“Come with us, Daddy.” Sophie pleaded. Ashton found himself annoyed that Brynn asked in front of her, knowing he was more likely to agree. “It’ll be fun!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll come. Let me go get my wallet and keys.”

“You can ride with us and I’ll bring you home after,” Brynn offered.

“But it’s out of your way.”

“I don’t mind.” She offered him a small smile.

Ashton didn’t have another argument, so he nodded. He went inside and grabbed his wallet, and returned to Brynn’s vehicle. He got inside the passenger seat and they left the driveway. Sophie chattered in the backseat, which he was grateful for since it meant there were not any awkward silences between them, or worse, awkward conversation. He spent most of the ride looking out the window, listening to Sophie and Brynn talk. He participated when necessary, glancing sidelong at his ex occasionally. He wondered if he ought to text Calum and let him know what he was doing. Would he care?

They pulled into the parking lot, and Ashton wasn’t surprised to see it was busy. Floridians loved this place for some reason. The food was good, but it wasn’t something to write home about in his opinion. Still, it’s what Sophie had chosen so they marched inside and got in line to order. Ashton had tried to pay for his own food separately, but Brynn insisted on paying for it. He relented only because he didn’t want to hold up the line behind them. They found a table, and a few minutes later and employee brought them their tray. Ashton opened Sophie’s milk bottle as she tore open her chicken nuggets.

The conversation turned without him realizing it, and soon Sophie was telling Brynn all about Sam. Ashton tensed imperceptibly because kids had a habit of saying things off the cuff.

“And Daddy has been spending a lot of time with Sam’s daddy,” she babbled. “He even had a sleepover with him one time when I spent the night with Sam.”

Ashton choked on his food, his face turning red from both the food trying to kill him and the embarrassment that swept through him. Brynn’s eyes snapped to him, narrowing slightly in suspicion.

“You spent the night with someone?” she asked.

Clearing his throat, Ashton shook his head. “It’s not what you’re thinking. The girls went to bed and we had a few beers. I guess I had more than I realized and Calum offered his couch so I didn’t have to risk driving home,” he lied.

He could tell that Brynn didn’t believe him as she turned to their daughter. “Sophie, why don’t you go play and let me and your dad talk.”

Sophie, none the wiser, shrugged and popped her last waffle fry into her mouth before heading for the indoor playground. They had chosen a booth right next to the glass separating it from the dining area specifically so they could watch her.

“So…,” Brynn said slowly. “Are you seeing this guy? Sam’s dad.”

Ashton didn’t know how to respond. Were they seeing each other? Yes, in a sense. They had been sleeping together for weeks, but they had never talked about being exclusive. It was a conversation he had yet to approach with Calum for two reasons: One reason being he wasn’t sure he was ready for that, and the second reason being he wasn’t sure that’s what Calum wanted. Ashton didn’t want to embarrass himself, or make Calum feel awkward, by bringing it up if they weren’t there yet.

Apparently, even when you got older things like relationships never got any easier to navigate. Ashton felt just as flustered at thirty that he would have at twenty-one. It was annoying as hell.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Kind of?”

She nodded, and her eyes seemed far away for a moment. He knew what this was; Brynn withdrawing into herself. It happened before, when their marriage started to fall apart and she had pulled away from him emotionally. At the time he hadn’t understood it, but now he did. The problem was he didn’t understand why it was happening this time. What did it matter if he was seeing anyone?

“Is that a problem?” he asked. Ashton raised a brow as she looked at him, forcing herself out of whatever funk she’d slid into. “I didn’t think you would care.”

“I don’t,” she said quickly. So quickly it seemed like a lie. “I just assumed that if you were seeing someone, or spending the night with someone, you would tell me because of Sophie.”

Irritation burned through him, and he leaned forward on the table so he could speak softly enough that hopefully the people around them wouldn’t hear. “That’s not fair. You didn’t tell me when you moved Darren into _our_ house only a month after we separated.”

Brynn flushed. “That’s not...you can’t…”

“Can’t what? Call you out on being a hypocrite.”

Her eyes flashed angrily, but Ashton was not going to back down from this. The last thing he was going to do was allow Brynn to tell him what he could and couldn’t do while she did whatever the hell she wanted.

Ashton sat back in his seat, irritation clear on his features. “Listen, Brynn...I haven’t questioned you about the things you do in your personal life so I would appreciate if you gave me the same courtesy. I promised I wouldn’t get involved unless I thought it was something that would really hurt Sophie. This isn’t something that’s hurting her. She doesn’t have any idea what’s going on.”

“I know. I just…,” Brynn shrugged helplessly. “I guess I just didn’t expect it.”

“Why? Because he’s a guy?”

“What?” Brynn’s eyes widened. “No!  Not because he’s a guy. You act like I didn’t know you're bisexual, Ashton. You told me that a few months after we started dating.”

That was true. Ashton had told her about his bisexuality because he had been afraid she might have a problem with it. There was so much controversy surrounding the label even now, and so many years ago it had been worse. He had not dated another guy since high school because he'd fallen in love with Brynn almost as soon as he had met her. In retrospect, they had been too young for something so serious. They both realized that they couldn't grow up in a marriage. Not without changing, and they had both changed. 

“So that’s not the problem?”

Brynn shook her head. “No, it’s not. There isn’t a problem. You’re right, it’s none of my business if it isn’t hurting Sophie.”

Ashton didn’t quite believe her, though he couldn’t put his finger on why.

The silence that fell between them was palpable. He itched to reach for his phone, just to have something to focus on that wasn’t his ex-wife. Something about the entire exchange had left a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was grateful when Brynn said they should probably get going.

The car ride back to his house was tense enough that even Sophie could feel it. She sat in the backseat quietly, looking out the window as they drove. Brynn’s hands were tight around the steering wheel, and in his peripheral he could see her open and close her mouth a few times like she wanted to say something but thought better of it. They pulled into his driveway, and Ashton got out. He walked around the back and opened Sophie’s door so he could lean in and kiss her goodbye. Then he waved halfheartedly at Brynn before walking up to the front door. He waited until they were out of sight before he went inside.

Ashton got his phone out of his pocket and called Calum.


	10. Chapter 10

Calum lay against Ashton’s chest, a light layer of sweat cooling on their skin. Ashton’s breathing had evened out in the last few moments and Calum could hear his heartbeat in his chest. It made him smile. Ashton ran gentle fingers up and down the top part of his spine and he blinked sleepily. It wasn’t particularly late for a Friday, but it had been a long work day. Sam had passed out early and Calum had been considering crawling into bed as well when Ashton had called him, asking to come over. He’d said yes immediately. 

Twenty minutes later the two of them were stumbling up the stairs, leaving a trail of clothing in their wake. 

Now he was content just to snuggle up to Ashton and pretend they were the only two people in the world for just a little bit. 

The silence between them was comfortable until Ashton broke it when he asked, “What are we?” 

Calum blinked, raising his head from Ashton’s chest so he could look up at his face. “What?” 

“You and me,” Ashton said. “What are we?” 

“You mean like as in our relationship?” 

Ashton nodded. Suddenly, Calum felt like the world was tipping on its axis. He ought to have known this conversation would come up at some point. It was only a matter of time. But he had done nothing to prepare for it. Calum had been happy to not think about it and allow the pieces to fall where they may. Things were good. Sex was great with the little bit of intimacy on the side. There was no commitment, no strings, so he could end it at any given time. Was that what he really wanted? 

They had fallen into a bit of a routine without Calum even realizing it. Ashton often spent nights at his house when Sophie was with her mother, and when Mali took Sam to give him a break he found himself in Ashton’s bed as well. 

Yes, the sex was good but it was about so much more than that. Calum hadn’t realized that he was falling in love with Ashton until this moment. He had been content to ignore those feelings because they were tainted with just the littlest bit of guilt. Calum and Ally had never discussed what they would want for each other if one of them died because they had been young and vibrant. But he did know Ally, and he knew that she wouldn’t want him to be alone forever. 

Still, the guilt reared its ugly head all the same. 

Calum swallowed thickly. “I don’t know. What is it you want?” 

With the question turned around on him, Ashton didn’t seem to have an answer ready. Calum could see in Ashton’s eyes that he regretted bringing this up at all. 

“Hey, forget I asked. It was stupid of me to spring that on you,” he said.

“No, don’t do that.” Calum shook his head. “What brought this on?” 

Ashton sighed. “Brynn asked about us. Sophie spilled the beans that I had a ‘sleepover’,” he used his fingers to make air quotes, “with you and her mother is clearly not a moron.” 

“Clearly. So what did she have to say?” 

“Nothing really. She was a little bent out of shape I didn’t mention anything, but it was the pot calling the kettle black,” Ashton explained. “She didn’t tell me when she moved her current boyfriend in.” 

“Ah,” Calum muttered. “Did she know that you were um…?” 

“Bi?” Ashton offered. “Yeah. She’s always known. But I don’t want to talk about my ex while I’m lying naked under you.” 

That was fair. It sort of ruined the mood. 

Calum rested his head back on Ashton’s chest and closed his eyes. Although he tried to stay in this moment mentally, his mind wandered to what a future might look like with Ashton as his partner. It still wasn’t commonplace for same sex couples to raise children together, and life for the LGBTQ+ community hadn’t been great since the current nation’s leader had been inducted into office. Calum felt like those thoughts; however, were excuses for his real insecurities. He was afraid of loving someone again, like he had Ally, and losing them. He didn’t think he could go through that again without breaking. He had barely made it this far after Ally died. 

With a sigh, Calum raised his head once more and looked up at Ashton. His eyes met Ashton’s and he bit down on his lower lip. Then he asked, “Would it be okay if we just kept it casual like we’ve been doing?” 

There was a flash of disappointment in Ashton’s eyes, but then it was gone. He nodded. “Yeah, of course. If that’s what you want.” 

Calum knew this was the part where he was supposed to ask what Ashton wanted because it was the selfless thing to do. He didn’t. 

“Thank you.” He surged up and pressed a lingering kiss to Ashton’s mouth. 

 

*          *          *

 

There was a date on the calendar, four days away, that haunted Calum. He tried to ignore it as he continued on with his work, but it nagged at the back of his mind persistently, like an annoying buzzing that he couldn’t stop. 

Thursday was the second anniversary of Ally’s death and Calum absolutely did not want to face it. He would, though, because Sam would need him to be there for her. They had agreed that every year they would light a lantern for Ally to honor her. It brought comfort to Sam and that was all that mattered. 

In truth, Calum had nearly forgotten the anniversary was coming. He had been so wrapped up in Ashton the past few months that he had been surprised when he came to work and realized the date. He tried not to feel guilty about it. 

Mali had texted him relentlessly all morning, asking after him in a not-so-subtle attempt to check up on him. She was getting an early start as the day Ally died loomed over him.

Work helped. It kept him mostly distracted which he was grateful for. At least until his lunch hour when he realized he had a missed call and a voice mail from Sam’s school. He listened to the message, but all the voice on the other end said was that Sam was in the principal's office and he needed to come to the school. 

Heart in his throat, Calum apologized to his supervisor and explained that something was going on with his daughter at the school. His supervisor told him to go and Calum sprinted through the parking lot to his vehicle. 

Ten minutes later he pushed the door to the office open and informed the secretary who he was and why he was there. The secretary led him toward the principal’s office where Sam sat in a chair, her face streaked with tears and a small cut on her lip that she was holding an ice pack against. Next to her was a woman he knew to be the guidance counselor, and behind the desk was the principal.

“Mr. Hood?” inquired Principal Valdes as she rose from her seat to shake his hand. He nodded, returned the handshake and sat down when invited. “Thank you for coming. We called you because Sam initiated a fight with a fellow student. As I’m sure you are aware we have a strict no tolerance policy, and Sam will be given three days out of school suspension. We’ve spoken with the other student’s parents and he will be receiving the same discipline.” 

Calum's stomach flipped over. His eyes traveled between the principal and Sam. Sam wouldn’t look at him and continued to cry. It broke his heart a little. 

“I don’t understand. That’s out of character for Sam. Did the other student say or do something to provoke her?” Calum frowned. “I’m not trying to place blame. I just want to understand what happened.” 

Principal Valdes sighed and looked to the guidance counselor. “Ms. Carter will you take Sam to your office so I may speak with her father?”

“Of course.” Ms. Carter stood from her chair and guided Sam from the office. 

After the door closed, Calum turned back to Principal Valdes who said, “According to Sam, the other student said something rude about her not having a mother and it upset her quite a lot.” 

Calum swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and nodded. “Her mother died two years ago. Well, two years ago on Thursday.” 

Principal Valdes frowned. “I’m very sorry for your loss. Both of you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Still, I hope you understand that our policy stands and that Sam will have to take this discipline. I’ve already spoken with her teacher and she has agreed to move Sam’s seat away from the other student. I know she is not normally a violent child, but upon speaking with her she divulged that she has been feeling quite sad the past several days.” Principal Valdes gave him a sympathetic look. “I know it must be difficult to be a single parent in today’s world. You can only do the best you can. Children are often more aware of things than we realize.” 

That had become abundantly clear. Calum had not realized that Sam was struggling. He hadn’t realized that she even knew Ally’s anniversary was approaching. Had he just not been paying close enough attention? The thought made him want to sink into the floor. How could he be failing her so profoundly that she was resorting to school yard fights?

“Thank you, Principal Valdes. I’ll speak with Sam about her actions and I’ll schedule her an appointment with her therapist as soon as possible,” Calum said tightly. The room felt like it was closing in on him. 

They stood at the same time and shook hands again. Calum left the office and got Sam before leaving the school. 

The car ride home was silent, and when Calum parked the car in the driveway he sighed heavily. “When we go inside I want you to go up to your room and wait for me. We have a lot to talk about.” 

Sam’s only response was a nod. They got out of the car and trekked into the house. Sam went upstairs and Calum got out his phone to call Mali. Someone was going to have to watch Sam over the next few days while he worked. He only hoped his sister had the time. He was grateful and thanked Mali profusely when she said she was free and that she would come stay with Sam. 

Calum was about to put his phone away when it dinged, alerting him that he had a text message. The screen showed him a text message from Ashton, asking if he and Sam wanted to join him and Sophie for ice cream. He ignored the message and slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

He trudged up the stairs to talk to his daughter. 

  
  


*          *          *   
  


Sam was meant to go back to school the day of Ally’s anniversary and he didn’t have the heart to make her go to school. He took a personal day at work and they spent it together at home. Mali came over for support and when it got dark, the three of them stood in the backyard and watched as the lantern they lit floated up into the sky and got lost among the stars. 

Sam fell asleep curled against his side as they watched Moana, her new favorite movie, and he put her to bed once the credits rolled. Mali bid him goodnight and left as well, leaving him alone with his thoughts. 

Earlier that day, Calum had gotten a call from Michael asking how he was doing and if he wanted to come over with Sam. He had declined the offer. Michael had tried to talk him into it, but Calum wouldn’t budge. Then his parents had called to check up on them as well. His mother had offered to bring them dinner, which Calum was grateful for, but she hadn't stuck around for long. 

And he had received several text messages from Ashton asking if things were okay because he hadn’t heard from Calum in a few days. This was true. Calum had been ignoring every single message for the past four days. 

He knew it wasn’t fair to Ashton. It wasn’t his fault that Ally had died or that Calum was still a wreck about it. It was wholly his own fault because he was afraid - no, _terrified_ \- over the idea of falling in love again. Calum blamed himself for Sam’s behavior because if he had been paying more attention, if he hadn’t gotten so caught up in Ashton, he would have been able to help her. But he had failed her in that respect. Calum couldn’t bear the idea of doing so again. He would always choose Sam over anyone, including himself. If it meant having to sacrifice his own happiness to ensure hers that’s what he would do. That’s what it meant to be a parent. 

Calum stared down at his phone and drew in a breath. It was cowardly to end things with Ashton over text message, but that’s exactly what he was being. He couldn’t face Ashton and do this because his resolve would crumble. It was easier this way, a cleaner cut. That’s what he told himself over and over again as he opened up the text screen and began to type a message. 


	11. Chapter 11

_ I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. I hope you understand.  _

Ashton read the words over and over again. His heart had sunk into his stomach, and his chest twinged with pain. He had suspected that something was wrong. There had been a fundamental shift in their relationship since he had brought up exclusivity. He cursed himself inwardly, wishing he had never brought it up. If he hadn’t then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten a text message telling him that Calum couldn’t be with him. Ashton should have left it alone and not pushed. This was his fault. Calum hadn’t been ready for any kind of commitment and Ashton had put him on the spot. 

And then suddenly he felt angry because no, he didn’t understand. It wasn’t as if Calum had given him any kind of reason. Just an excuse. Maybe Ashton didn’t deserve a reason, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want one. He felt like he’d been blindsided, like nothing had been as kosher as he had thought. 

It had been a week since the last time he had seen Calum. He only learned about Sam getting in trouble at school because Sophie had told him. He remembered the reason why, knew it was something to do with Sam’s mom being dead. It softened his heart a little and Ashton set his phone down on the coffee table and sat back on the couch. He let his head rest against the top of the back and looked up at the ceiling. It was quiet in the house with Sophie at Brynn’s. It gave him too much time to think. Too much time to be reckless. He shouldn’t go over to Calum’s and ask for an explanation. Calum didn’t owe him anything, and yet his heart wouldn’t let it go. 

Ashton got up and grabbed his phone, keys and wallet before leaving the house. It was only a fifteen minute drive to Calum’s house, and the entire ride was bathed in tension. Ashton’s stomach was knotted and his chest ached a little. He pulled into the driveway and turned the car off, breathing in deeply to calm his nerves. It didn’t help. He could still turn around and leave. Calum didn’t seem to have noticed he was in the driveway. 

But Ashton’s body seemed to have a will of its own. He got out of the car and his feet carried him up the cement path and onto the porch. He knocked twice and waited. He could hear the sound of movement inside the house and a moment later Calum opened the door, his dark eyes widening in surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked softly. 

Ashton held up his phone, Calum’s text message displayed. “Can we talk?” 

Calum hesitated for several seconds before he stepped aside to let Ashton in. The door closed behind them and the tension between them was so thick he thought he might choke on it. The silence was uncomfortable and Calum’s demeanor, once so inviting, was now closed off. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Ashton asked. Calum shook his head. “Is this because I asked what our relationship is...was?” 

Again, Calum shook his head. “No, it’s not about that. Not really.” 

“Well then what is it?” 

Calum released a breath, a hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it nervously. “Things have just gotten complicated. Sam was suspended from school and it’s my fault. I wasn’t paying enough attention to her to realize she was struggling because I was so wrapped up in something else. I was too wrapped up in you.”

Ashton felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. What Calum was saying didn’t seem fair. “So...are you blaming me for this?” 

“What?” Calum looked stricken. “No, of course not. I’m blaming myself.” 

“I don’t get it,” Ashton shook his head. “I don’t understand what happened. Things were fine a week ago, and then tonight you text me to break off...whatever we had after not speaking to me for a week. Cal, if you don’t want to get involved in a committed relationship that’s totally fine. I’m okay with that. Hell, if you don’t want to be with me at all that’s fine as well, but give me a real reason. Don’t use Sam as an excuse.” 

Calum’s eyebrows drew together and anger flashed in his eyes. For a moment, Ashton thought he might have overstepped but he couldn’t find it in himself to feel sorry for what he said. Calum was using Sam as an excuse to hide from his feelings, whatever they may be. 

“You don’t understand,” he said quietly. “You can’t understand.” 

“Understand what?”    


“It’s not just Sam. It’s Ally.” Calum’s voice was tight. “I’m not...I haven’t…” 

Ashton frowned deeply, taking a step forward and reaching out to the other man. He drew back just before touching Calum, thinking that his touch might not be welcomed. “Cal,” he said softly, “you haven’t what?” 

“Gotten past the guilt, okay?” Calum suddenly exploded. The outburst caused Ashton to step back, his eyes widening. “It’s my fault she’s dead. My fault Sam doesn’t have a mother to grow up with. My fault Ally’s family had to bury their daughter. It’s my fault.” 

A sob wracked Calum’s frame as he leaned against the door, his arms wrapping around himself protectively. His eyes were glassy with tears he desperately tried to hold back to no avail. They slipped down his cheeks anyway. This time, Ashton didn’t hesitate in touching him. He reached for Calum’s face and wiped the tears away. 

“What happened, Calum? What happened to Ally that you’re blaming yourself for her death?” he asked. 

Another sob left him and he shook his head. “There was a fire in our apartment building. Some kind of an electrical issue that shorted out the fire alarms in the building. It was the middle of the night and we’d been asleep. I woke up to the smell of smoke. The living room and kitchen were engulfed in flames and the only way out was through our room and the fire escape. Ally went to get Sam out of bed while I was getting the window open. It jammed a lot and Ally wasn’t strong enough to get it open. I heard something crash and went to see if Ally and Sam were okay. Sam’s room went up in flames and a support beam from the ceiling fell. Ally and Sam were trapped under it. Sam was screaming so loud, so terrified. I managed to get Sam out from under the beam, but I didn’t have time to get Ally out. I had to get Sam out of the house, away from the smoke before it harmed her too much. Ally told me to go. I promised I’d be back for her. I could hear the firetrucks and ambulances coming. I thought everything was going to be okay. I could get them both to safety.” Calum drew in a shuddering breath. “By the time I got Sam down the fire escape and to safety, the firemen were working on putting the fire out, but they hadn’t been fast enough and the whole roof caved in on our apartment. It sounded like an explosion. I don’t remember much after that. I remember hearing someone screaming, hands holding me back from running back into the fire. Being told it was too late. I realized afterward that it was me who was screaming. I was screaming for Ally. I let her die, Ashton. She died because I wasn’t fast enough. Because I made a choice.” 

Ashton felt numb. He pulled Calum into him, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man as he cried into his shoulder. “Listen to me,” he said firmly, albeit gently, “you made a choice that any parent would. You chose your child. Chose to let her live. Ally wouldn’t have wanted you to choose any other way. It’s not your fault Ally died, Calum. Not at all. I’m so sorry this happened to you and Sam, but do you believe that Ally would want you to live like this? It’s not living at all, Cal. It’s just existing. I can guarantee that Sam doesn’t blame you. Ally doesn’t blame you. Don’t blame yourself.” 

He led Calum to the couch and for a long time, Ashton simply held him and let him cry. He didn’t say anything else, didn’t need to. Calum just needed someone to be there for him, to comfort him while he cried out his sorrow. Whatever happened after this, Ashton was going to take it in stride. Even if that only meant ever being Calum’s friend. That would have to be enough. 

  
  


*          *          *

  
  


By the time Ashton convinced Calum to crawl into bed and go to sleep, it was nearly three in the morning. He considered crashing on the couch, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be here in the morning. He learned that the two year anniversary of Ally’s death had recently passed, and he didn’t want Calum to feel like he had to make any kind of decision about them. Ashton wanted to respect the boundaries in place. Calum needed time, he needed space. Ashton would give him that. 

He drove home in silence and it took him another long hour to finally fall asleep. When he woke in the morning, it was to the smell of coffee wafting into his bedroom. Ashton got out of bed and pulled a t-shirt on before walking into the kitchen to see who was there. Only two people had a key to his house, his mom and Ashley. So he was surprised to see Brynn sitting at the table with Sophie, her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee and Sophie devouring a bowl of cereal. 

Ashton stopped, and blinked at his ex-wife and daughter. 

“Morning,” Brynn said casually, like this was a regular occurrence. Ashton noticed her eyes were red like she had been crying. 

“How’d you get in the house?”

“You always insisted on keeping a key in a fake rock in the mulch. I figured that hadn’t changed.” 

Ashton groaned faintly. Of course she would remember that. He didn’t say anything more until he’d gotten a cup of coffee and joined them at the table. Before he sat down, he dropped a kiss on the top of Sophie’s head. 

“Morning, daddy,” she said around a mouthful of cereal. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Brynn scolded. “Why don’t you go play so your daddy and I can talk.” 

Sophie was about to protest, but Brynn cut her off with ‘the look’ and she said no more. Sophie dropped her cereal bowl into the sink and wandered into the living room. A moment later, the sounds of Nick Jr. cartoons flooded the silence. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Ashton asked over the rim of his mug. “Why have you been crying?” 

Brynn sighed, rubbing a hand down her face. She wore no makeup, but Brynn had never been one to wear a lot. She was naturally attractive. “Darren and I broke up last night. He packed up his shit and left, but I didn’t want to be in the house. It just felt...I don’t know. I just didn’t want to be there.” 

Ashton raised a brow, surprised at the news. “I’m sorry. I always thought he was kind of a douchebag.” 

A small, mirthless laugh left Brynn. “Yeah, well...the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” 

His muscles tensed, and Ashton looked at her suspiciously. “What does that even mean?” 

“I miss you,” she admitted softly. “I miss us. The three of us. I know things got messy between us, Ash, but we were so young when we got married. So young when we had Sophie. I thought we’d grown apart because we’d grown up, but the last few months I’ve just...missed everything about us. Don’t you miss being a family?” 

Ashton felt like he’d been thrust into some kind of alternate reality all of a sudden. It had been less than a year since their divorce was final. Over a year since they had separated and Ashton had moved out of the house and into his current residence. Brynn had wasted precious little time after they separated to start dating again, and two months later she was with Darren. Three months after that he was moving into their home. 

He swallowed thickly before he said, “I do miss it. I love you, B. You were my first love and you’re the mother of my child. I’ll always care about you. I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but I’m not sure you’re thinking with your head.” 

Brynn shook her head. “I am. My heart and my head. I want to give us another chance. We can make it right for Sophie.” 

It was a low blow, but one that Brynn knew would bring Ashton to his knees. He had never wanted this divorce because of Sophie. He never wanted his daughter to know the pain of her parents splitting up, of coming from a broken home. But he couldn’t stay married to someone who hadn’t wanted to stay married to him. 

It could have been the emotional hangover he was feeling after last night with Calum. It could have been that his heart was so lonely that he couldn’t stand it, but he found himself nodding. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he murmured. “Maybe we need to give it another shot, but not just for Sophie. For us, too, Brynn.” 

Brynn smiled softly, reaching across the table to take his hand, intertwining their fingers. “For us, too.” 

Ashton looked down at their joined hands, his thumb rubbing along hers gently. “Let’s take it slow. We don’t need to rush.”

“Agreed.” 

His mind was immediately at war with his heart. Ashton had moved on from Brynn, he’d met Calum and fallen in love with him. But it was decidedly unrequited and Ashton knew that Calum’s heart was not available to him. Brynn’s words resonated with him. They could be a family again. Sophie could grow up with both her parents together and happy. 

Ashton hoped that was going to be the case. 

His heart wasn’t sure. 


	12. Chapter 12

Despite the fact it was October, the average temperatures for the Tampa Bay area were still in the high eighties and low nineties. It made searching for a Halloween costume that he wouldn’t sweat to death in nearly impossible. Michael and Luke had been talking about throwing a big Halloween bash at their house since the end of the summer. So while the party would be mostly inside with air conditioning, Calum knew all the bodies in one space would make things warm. 

Spirit Halloween was a pop-up Halloween costume retailer that opened at the beginning of August and closed at the beginning of November. Sam had begged him to take her when she had seen the sign as they drove to his parents’ house for lunch. Mali had come with them and the two of them debated on whether Sam should be a ketchup bottle or _Moana_. Sam chose the latter which surprised Calum, but please Mali. Sam explained it was because Moana didn’t need a prince to save her and has saved her village all on her own. Calum couldn’t argue with that and Sam went off to find accessories for her costume. 

“Are you coming trick or treating with us?” he asked his sister. Mali nodded. “Good. Sam would be disappointed if you didn’t. She wanted to go with Sophie but…” 

“But you and Ashton broke up.” 

“It wasn’t really a breakup. We weren’t in a relationship.” 

Mali sighed. “You were sleeping together. That counts.” 

“Does it?” Calum wasn’t sure. 

It had been two months since the night he’d sent Ashton that text message. Two months since he’d seen Ashton. Two months since Luke asked what happened and got little in response. Calum would normally have leaned on Michael and Luke for support, but this time he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was a mess and nothing they could say would change that. He didn’t inquire about Ashton and they didn’t push. 

Mali, on the other hand, always let him know what she thought even if he didn’t want to hear it. Most of the time he loved her for it. Right now, he did not.

“You’re holding back because of some kind of penance you think you owe Ally,” she said, matter-of-fact. “It’s not true. You’re miserable. The last time you weren’t was when you were with Ashton. Do you honestly think this is what she would want? Do you think this is what Sam needs?” 

Calum sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. “You’ve told me all of this before, Mali. It’s just not that easy.” 

“It is. You’re just making it more complicated than it has to be.” Mali scowled at him. Calum returned it. She lowered her voice and said, “Ally’s dead, Cal. You need to let her go. You have got to find some way to assuage this guilt you have. What about therapy?” 

“I quit going.” 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because it didn’t seem to be helping. It works for Sam, but she wasn’t the one who let Ally die.” 

Mali frowned and shook her head sadly. “You didn’t let her die. You both chose your daughter.”

Calum didn’t reply because Sam had joined them again, stating she was ready to go. Calum led her and Mali to the registers and paid for the costume without purchasing anything for himself. The Halloween party costume shopping would have to wait. 

  
  


*          *          *

  
  


Halloween fell on a Saturday that year and Tampa had strict rules about trick or treating only lasting from six o’clock to eight o’clock. Calum and Mali had mapped out a route of every single ‘Trunk ‘n Treat’ that were being held at the churches around the area. They seemed the safest bet. They had a plan, Sam was in her costume by five thirty, and they were in line at the first church by quarter till six. Once they were done, Calum would drop Sam off with his parents for the night and head to Michael’s and Luke’s party with Mali.

Trick or treating had changed a lot since he and Mali were children. They had grown up in a large housing development where they never had to leave their neighborhood to earn a large pillowcase full of goodies. People didn’t celebrate and pass out candy as often anymore because the world had become a much more dangerous place, spawning the church Trunk ‘n Treat phenomenon. Calum reminded Sam of her manners as they approached the first vehicle. 

Two and a half hours later, they pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house and Sam ran inside with her bag of candy. Sam wasn’t be allowed to eat any of the candy until each piece was thoroughly checked by the adults. It was a quick process with four of them while Sam sat on his father’s lap and babbled away about the night. 

“I’m going to change,” Mali said. “We’ve got a party to get to.” 

Calum wasn’t really in the mood for a party, but he wasn’t going to be able to get out of it. So he kissed the top of Sam’s head and trudged up the stairs and into his old room where he’d changed into his costume. He would be attending the party as a 1920's mobster, complete with a pinstripe suit and matching fedora. It had been Mali’s idea and he met her by the door, dressed in a blue and silver flapper costume. 

“People are going to think it’s weird we matched our costumes and we’re siblings,” he pointed out. 

“You think I care? I plan to find the first beautiful person I see to sweep me off my feet. That’ll ensure no one thinks we’re a couple,” she replied. 

Calum laughed and shook his head. 

Twenty minutes later, he offered his arm to Mali as they made their way up the path to the front door. There were already several cars parked outside of Michael’s and Luke’s house, and Calum assumed most of them were colleagues. They entered the house and he could feel the bass of the music thump in his chest. Small groups of people were clustered throughout the house, drinks in hands and chattering loudly over the music. Calum and Mali wended their way around the groups until they reached the kitchen where they found Michael and Luke. 

“Hey!” Michael said brightly. “You guys made it! How was trick or treating?” 

“Sam enjoyed it. She’s got more candy than anyone kid needs,” said Calum. He grinned and accepted the cup Luke handed to him. “What’s this?” 

“Party punch with about five different liquors in it. Be careful how much you drink.” 

Mali wasted no time in tossing back her cup. Calum nudged her with a laugh. “Just because I’m driving doesn’t mean I’m dragging your drunk ass home.” 

“Good think they have a spare bedroom that I just know they’d be okay letting me crash in,” Mali grinned. 

“It’s true. As long as you don’t mind possibly crashing on the floor with Ben, Jack and Celeste.” 

“I’ll be sure to cuddle up tight with Celeste.” 

As if on cue, a feminine pair of arms wrapped around Mali from behind. His sister whipped around and shrieked as she embraced Celeste tightly. Calum scrunched his face, dramatically rubbing at his ear as though she had caused him hearing damage. 

Calum greeted Luke’s brothers with fist bumps and the six of them took up the rest of the space in the kitchen as they swapped stories of everyday life, kids and work. Ben was still unmarried and single (and loving it) while Jack and Celeste were thinking about a third baby. They already had twins and Calum thought the odds of them having a second set was pretty damn high. He shuddered at the idea of raising four kids. Sam was plenty of work. 

People made their way from the living room to the dining room and kitchen to the lanai outside. Some people had been really creative with their costumes to where as some had simply bought theirs from stores. Calum and Mali had found their costumes by happy accident at a vintage costume store in Saint Petersburg, which had cost more than Calum wanted to admit. Still, the costume was good quality so he couldn’t complain. Michael and Luke had foregone the idea of a couples costume; Michael had a steampunk costume while Luke was Constable Crane from Sleepy Hollow (the Johnny Depp version). 

For the first time in a long time, Calum felt good. He was having fun surrounded by some of the best people he knew. 

That all changed when he looked past Jack’s shoulder and his eyes met a pair of familiar hazel ones. 

Calum blanched as Ashton entered the dining room, hand in hand with a woman Calum didn’t know. They _had_ gone cheesy with a couples costume as Jack Skellington and Sally from _The Nightmare Before Christmas._  Calum suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He gulped down the rest of his drink and immediately refilled his cup. 

“Whoa, what happened to being the DD?” Mali asked. Calum said nothing but gestured in Calum’s general direction. “Oh. I see.”

Michael and Luke exchanged nervous glances, which only made Calum feel worse. They shouldn’t have to feel bad for inviting their friends just because he was an idiot. And he shouldn’t feel sick over Ashton bringing a date with him. They hadn’t been together. He had no claim on Ashton. 

Still, he felt like he was suffocating.

“Excuse me. I need some air.” Calum mumbled, and pushed past Michael and Luke to exit onto the lanai. 

He crossed the cement and went out into the backyard where people weren’t amassed. Calum tilted his head back, closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. The air was still warm despite it being dark. It wouldn’t be long before Calum was sweating in his mobster costume. But that was better than being in the same room as Ashton and his date. 

Footsteps approached him from behind and he knew it was Michael by the way he shuffled his feet. 

“Cal, are you okay?” 

Calum cast a sidelong glance at his friend. “I’m fine. I just needed a minute.”

“Should we not have invited Ashton?” 

“No, of course not. He’s your friend. What right do I have to tell you that you can’t be friends with him just because we had a fling that didn’t work out. A little warning would have been nice, though.”

Michael sighed. “You never wanted to talk about it. We asked you what happened and you wouldn’t say anything. In our defense, we only found out Ashton was back with Brynn yesterday when he asked if he could bring her.”

“Wait, what? He’s back with Brynn?” Calum asked, the shock clear in his voice. “Are you serious?” 

“Trust me, Luke interrogated him all about it. Apparently, she wanted to give them another shot and he agreed. Can’t imagine it wasn’t because he was in a vulnerable state of mind,” Michael said. 

“Are you saying it’s my fault?” he asked. 

Michael shook his head. “No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is that people make rash decisions when they’re hurt.” 

Calum fell silent and looked back up at the sky, his chest tight with anxiety. Maybe it was his fault. He had broken it off with Ashton because he couldn’t get over himself. Couldn’t get over his guilt. The idea of falling in love with someone new was terrifying, but as he stood there with his eyes on the stars he realized he’d made such a huge mistake. It had taken seeing Ashton with someone else, his ex-wife to boot, to realize that had royally fucked up. 

“It’s too late now,” Calum said. “If he’s back with Brynn and he’s happy then I have no place trying to ruin that.” A hand fell on his shoulder and he found himself leaning into Michael, eyes closing as he rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. “I’m such a fucking disaster.” His voice sounded tight, like he would cry at any moment. 

“You’re not a mess,” Michael said softly. “You still have some things to work out, Cal, and that’s alright. What you went through was traumatic. It’s a battle you might always fight, but it will get easier. You need to go back to therapy and work on this for Sam’s sake. Sam needs you. And you don’t have to feel guilty about wanting to love someone again, or having someone love you. Don’t shut your heart down. You’re too good of a person to write yourself off like that. If it didn’t work with Ashton then it might work with someone else.” 

Calum frowned, shaking his head against Michael’s shoulder. “I want it to be Ashton though. When I was with him, I felt like I would be alright.” 

“Well, not that I should say this because it probably makes me an asshole...but I don’t think Ashton really wants to be with Brynn. I think he was just a little lost.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“I just do.” 

Calum shook his head. “I think you’re full of it, but thanks for trying to make me feel better.” 

“I got your back,” said Michael. “You’re always going to be my best friend and I’ll always be on your side. Now can we please go in and enjoy this party Luke and I worked so hard on?” 

“Yeah, alright,” Calum laughed. 

Michael looped an arm around his neck and all but dragged him back into the kitchen where his friends were waiting for him. 


	13. Chapter 13

The wet sand was warm beneath his bare feet despite it having been a couple of hours since the sun had disappeared. The briny scent of the Gulf came in on a breeze and water lapped over his ankles gently. Traffic from the Courtney Campbell Causeway provided a soundtrack that was strangely soothing. Ben T. Davis beach was on the edge of Tampa, just before the causeway that led into Clearwater with a backdrop of glittering lights from the group of large buildings against the coastline. It was a Tuesday night so people were scarce this late. It would have been a peaceful atmosphere if Ashley had not been glowering at him so intensely. Ashton pretended not to notice as he looked out over the water as it caught the reflection of the buildings, the lights undulating in a way that was almost mesmerizing. 

Ashton could have gotten lost in the moment, he was about to when Ashley suddenly cuffed him upside the head. 

“Ow!” he yelped, his hand immediately going to the back of his head and rubbing the spot that was still smarting. “What was that for?”

“You know why. Don’t pretend to be stupid, Ash.” Ashley crossed her arms over her chest, her expression a cross between annoyed and something like pity. “Why did you agree to get back together with Brynn after the hell she put you through?” 

Ashton knew when Ashley had called him that it wasn’t going to be a necessarily pleasant time. He had posted a picture of himself, Brynn and Sophie on Instagram and tagged it as family. No sooner had he posted it did the text messages from Ashley start blowing up his phone. He had ignored them for at least a day before she had called him, demanding they meet up so she could find out what the hell was going on. He knew he could have blown her off, told her he didn’t want to talk about it, but the truth was he _did_ want to talk about it. He needed someone he could be completely honest with, that would give him honesty in return, and Ashley was that person. She was blunt to a fault, often to the point that if one didn’t know her they would think she was being cruel. Ashton knew she didn’t see the point of sugarcoating the naked truth. 

Right now, Ashton needed someone to give him some truth because he couldn’t remember the last time he had been so confused by his own feelings. The jumbled mess of his heart ached over how much he wanted to make a perfect life and family for Sophie, but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he was no longer in love with Brynn. 

“It's complicated,” he said finally.

“I’m sure it’s not. What happened with Calum?” 

“He said he couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t want to see me again.” 

“So you broke up?” 

Ashton shot her an annoyed look. “You can’t break up something that didn’t exist in the first place. We weren't in a relationship. It was just sex.”

“If that were the case,” said Ashley, “then you wouldn’t have gone on the reverse rebound and gotten back together with your _ex-wife_.”

Tipping his head back, Ashton let out a frustrated groan. “I thought maybe we could try it again, especially for Sophie. She deserves to have a functional family.” 

“So, you’re doing this for Sophie?” she asked. 

Ashton nodded. “Yes.” 

Ashley cuffed him upside the head again. 

“Goddammit,” Ashton admonished. “Stop doing that!” 

“I will when I’m done knocking sense into you because right now you’re being stupid as hell,” Ashley retorted. 

The two of them glared at each other. Despite Ashley being a waif of a woman compared to Ashton’s much larger stature, her glare was far more intimidating. Ashton supposed that came from years of being a biracial woman and having to deal with the utter bullshit of society. 

“Staying together for the kids,” Ashley said slowly, “is a weak excuse. It’s a bad reason because no child ought to be subjected to the fights and the animosity between their parents. Things might be peaches and cream right now, Ash, but you know it’s only a matter of time before things go south like they did the first time. Divorce is hard on kids, but it sucks even more when you feel like you have to hide in your closet and cover your ears to try and drown out the screaming. Trust me, I wish my parents would have cut their losses a long time ago.”

Ashton’s expression turned sympathetic. “I’m sorry, Ash.” 

She shook her head. “Don’t be. I’m am an adult now and I’ve made peace with that. The past is the past. But Ashton...you don’t have to sacrifice your own happiness for Sophie. We all hope that we’re better than our parents and that we don’t royally fuck up our kids, but that doesn’t mean putting yourself into an unhealthy situation because you _think_ it might be the right thing. It’s not.” 

“I know.”

“Do you love her?” 

“Of course, she’s the mother of my child.”

“No, I mean are you _in_ love with her?” 

Ashton opened his mouth to say yes, to say that he was in love with Brynn because maybe if he said the lie out loud it would become the truth. Nothing came out of his mouth though and he closed his lips, sighing resolutely. 

“No, I’m not.” 

“It’s okay,” said Ashley, rubbing his back gently. “I think you know what your heart wants. You’ve just been ignoring it.” 

“Calum,” Ashton said. 

“Calum,” she repeated. 

  


*          *          *

  


A nervous energy formed in the pit of Ashton’s stomach as he followed Sophie and Brynn into the park. November was upon them and though the weather was still uncomfortably warm at times, Saturday had brought the first wave of cool weather. Well, cool weather by Florida terms which was usually around seventy-six degrees. Sophie had asked if they could go out for the day and Ashton had suggested the park. Sophie immediately went for the large jungle gym shaped like a pirate ship in the center of the mulched area. She played for a few minutes before requesting to be pushed on the swings and spun on the tire swing. 

Eventually, she went off on her own and Ashton led Brynn over to a bench where they could keep an eye on Sophie while she played.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them and Ashton mulled over how he was going to start the conversation he knew they needed to have. 

It had been several weeks since the two of them had gotten back together and Ashley had been right; it had only been a matter of time before things started to sour. All the same things they used to argue about had begun to crop up and Ashton found his patience wearing thinner by the day. They had slept together once in that time and neither seemed overly interested in initiating sex again. The chemistry they once had was no longer there. Not even a spark that could be re-ignited remained. At this point, it was a matter of pride that was keeping either of them from saying what they were both thinking. 

“This isn’t going to work,” he blurted finally. Next to him, Brynn stiffened surreptitiously. “I know it. You know it. Why are we keeping up the charade?” 

Brynn didn’t answer him right away, and Ashton braced himself for whatever reaction was about to be unleashed on him. Brynn had always had a hot temper, and was often defensive for no real reason. Ashton expected her to be angry with him, but instead she sighed in a resigned sort of way and shook her head. 

“I don’t know.”

“Why did you ask me for a second chance that day, Brynn? The truth.”

She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. “After Darren and I broke up, I felt like maybe I had made a mistake in wanting to end our marriage. I was hurt and vulnerable and I’ve struggled with the guilt of it because of Sophie. I never want us to be the reason she hurts. I thought that maybe if we got back together we could make it work. I was wrong.” Brynn’s expression was somber. “You agreed because things with Calum fell apart, didn’t you?” 

Ashton wished he could say that wasn’t true, but Brynn was not stupid. “Yes. It was wrong of me to agree to it.” 

“Well, we’re both in the wrong with this one.” 

Ashton’s eyes diverted to the mulched ground beneath them and he searched for some feeling of sadness or grief over this second failed attempt with Brynn, but all he could find was relief. 

“We fell out of love, B. We changed as people, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t create the most amazing thing in both our lives,” he said, his eyes traveling to where Sophie came down the slide. “She’s always going to connect us. I don’t want to be at odds with you. I want to be friends even if it takes awhile for Sophie’s sake.”

Brynn looked at him finally and nodded. “I agree. She’s the most important variable in this equation.” 

“Good. Now how do we tell Sophie about this?” 

“Honestly,” Brynn blew out a breath, “I don’t think it’s going to be that hard. She’s intuitive as hell.” 

Ashton couldn’t argue with that. Sophie always seemed to have a gut instinct about certain things that usually proved accurate. He watched his daughter as she swung across the monkey bars and smiled faintly. 

It was going to be okay, no matter what fate had in store for them in the future. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay...so this is a fic that was rattling around in my brain too. Something about the idea of DadSOS just really tickles me, even more so when they're in queer relationships because it's so cute. So I hope you enjoy it! Please leave feedback as it helps me as a writer. Feel free to follow me on [TUMBLR](http://rainbowsmuke.tumblr.com) as well.


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